now and forever

my friends are getting married.

after rish-vin and reno-minerva last december, andrew-tintin got married last may. next month, it will be jo and robert who will be tying the knot in baguio. come december, myn and lloyd will be getting married as well (this is probably the most awaited wedding in our college barkada). frances, a childhood friend will also be getting married before the year ends. martha and bert, another pair that was formed in our previous company will (finally) be tying the knot early next year. manong glenn will be getting married next february and midori, frances' sister (and another childhood friend) will be wed to her long-time boyfriend by may.

wow. this is after having a year of my college friends getting married almost all in the same year.

rose asked me once if i was jealous of my friends getting married. the truth is, i'm not. i am just truly and genuinely happy for them. they've finally found the one person they have decided to spend their life with and that in itself is a celebration. i wish their love for each other will only grow as time passes by. i hope that one day, when we're old and have our grandkids, i'll still see them holding hands, whispering sweet words or teasing each other. i wish that they'll realize their dreams together and live long, happy and blissful lives.

an early congratulations and best wishes to all of you! much love from now until the years to come.

a good decision after all

when my manager told me that i would be handling a project, i was both apprehensive and excited. i felt it was time for me to move on to something bigger but the idea of handling that big of a responsibility scared me. i agreed on the premise that i would never know if i could be a good project manager if i didn't try. this was the best opportunity for me to try project management since it was just a small project and one that i already have technical experience on.

it was harder than i initially thought it would be. i had to take care of the finances, the resourcing, planning and execution. i had to ensure that all the administrative tasks that was part of managing the project were being taken cared of as well. it was very tiring at the beginning, having to stay late in the office to try to make sense of everything i needed to do.

the one thing that i am very appreciative of is having a wonderful project team. i was apprehensive at first because the most senior in my team were hired last october while the most recent was allocated already even before she had her first day in the office. that was how young and inexperienced my team was. but as i've said over and over again, what my team lacked in experience, they more than made up for through their enthusiasm, perseverance and hard work. i could not have asked for a better team. melodramatic as it may sound, i am very honored and thankful to have worked with each one of them.

to raffy, melai, andrew, jade and mavie --- if there was ever a "rookie of the year" award, we would have won that hands down. thank you for making my first project very memorable. you guys are the best!

to janice and allan --- thank you for putting up with me. we'll get to that targetted green and eventually to that 100% compliance. :)

to riza, karla and jeff --- thanks for all your assistance! you're the support that helped us get to the finish line.

to jusel, perci, chuck and mylene --- thank you for your patience in helping me get through all the hurdles i had to face. we wouldn't have made it without you.

there's still another phase to go and we'll get to the end soon. go, kabaddi!

listen!

for all those who like music, listen to kaze's original songs in channel v amp. this is their first studio-recorded song, written by kei gabutero, their guitarist. i don't want to say anything else (in case people would think i am biased) except that it's a really good song that you should listen to at least once. maybe once you've listened to rain, you'll get hooked and be their fan as well.

rain by kaze

drip drop
raindrops trailing down the window
tick tock
half past midnight clock’s not broken
why do i even bother waiting for you
you’re not coming back
i know that for a fact

been staring at the window for quite sometime
i know i should let you go
and let myself go with the flow

but looking at the darkened sky and at the flooded street
hearing the thunder roaring
it reminds me of that day we danced in the rain
now what am i supposed to do without you by my side
watching the raindrops falling
reminds me painfully how we both used to love the rain

drip drop
teardrops trailing down the window
tick tock
2 am my heart is broken
i lie awake wondering how to face tomorrow
you’re not coming back
i know that for a fact

been staring at the ceiling for quite sometime
i know i should let you go
and let myself go with the flow

but looking at the darkened sky and at the flooded street
hearing the thunder roaring
it reminds me of that day we danced in the rain
now what am i supposed to do without you by my side
watching the raindrops falling
reminds me painfully how we both used to love the rain

been staring at our picture for quite sometime
i know i should let you go
but i know what i know

looking at the darkened sky and at the flooded street
hearing the thunder roaring
it reminds me of that day we danced in the rain
now what am i supposed to do without you by my side
watching the raindrops falling
reminds me painfully how we both used to love the rain

looking at the cloudy sky and at the darkened streets
the lightning flashing blinding
it reminds me of that day we kissed in the rain
what am i supposed to do now that i’m all alone
reminds me painfully how we both used to love the rain

teambuilding

i have missed the time when we were just a small group of five --- denden, jusel, bert, cel and myself. sandeep was our manager then and our group was really tight. but as most of us moved to our current company (denden was the only one who remained), the group evolved as well. sandeep went to thailand, bert and cel eventually moved to other companies and i transferred groups. four years later, it's now just jusel and me that remains in the group. we have a different manager and our small group then is now part of a much bigger group. from five, we are now numbering to about eighty.

it was difficult for me when i got back because i didn't know most of my teammates. being away for more than a year, i did not know the people who were hired during that time. since i am not the kind of person who introduces herself and gets herself known, i hardly knew half of the team. i was starting to know some of my teammates because of our team meetings but those that were not part of our subteam, that was another problem. i would only get to know them if i got to work with them one way or another. i was kind of hoping that i will get to know more of them during the offsite in subic. however, i mostly stayed and chatted with friends so that wasn't the case.

last friday, we had our group's team building. i was kind of disappointed that most of my friends were not there. audrey couldn't be away from work three fridays in a row (she'll have her subteam's team building next week), aj was intransit from china and aaron was out of the office. i was counting on my project teammates to be my "security blanket" but melai was in boracay for the weekend. raffy was there although we were not part of the same group for the games.

i was happily surprised to find that i was enjoying myself. although we were last place in the games, i really did not mind at all. it was a blast! the food was good and i was getting to know my teammates more. by 1030 pm, i had to leave reluctantly because i was meeting with college friends. hopefully, this is the start of a tighter team that i would belong to.

dinner date

just arrived home after dinner with the eOMS/gillette folks --- aaron, eugene, jay, natz and ria. it was a long-delayed dinner with friends as it was also a celebration dinner for our cutover from long ago. it's always nice to keep in touch with friends, especially if there's free dinner to boot. :) audrey, unfortunately, was not able to join us. nevertheless, the dinner at recipes megamall was still very much enjoyable. discussions ranged from rants due to work, reminiscing of our time in cincinnati, office rumors and new updates. it was a great dinner all together. hopefully, it won't be the last with them.

this will last a lifetime

he narrated how he proposed in a cable car in singapore. he said that it may be corny to some people but he had this vision of him and grace on top of the world and only God above them. he then proceeded to tell us about how they met and how he "existed" for grace because of a good test result in trigonometry. he thanked all his friends for coming to their wedding and thanked grace's friends for taking good care of her.

kiko is probably the sweetest guy ever.

congrats and best wishes, kiko and grace!

keeping in touch

before going home last friday, i decided to say hi to my friends and former teammates in cincinnati. dave, jay and kim just said hi while i got to chat with francisco, kamal and kevin. as always, i had a nice time chatting with them and it was nice to be keeping in touch with the guys after months of being away. sadly, it might be the last time i get to talk with kevin. he's leaving the company and friday was his last day. i guess, at the back of my mind, i was thinking that one day i could go back to cincinnati and see them all (and maybe work with them) again.

it's nice to keep in touch with friends. i know i haven't been doing much of that the past years and i know i should've. i've lost contact with friends and teammates from japan and even friends from high school. i've recently texted joel and we're planning to have coffee some time when he goes to ortigas. i've emailed some friends just to say hi and basically to know how they are.

so hello to all my friends. this is me reaching out, hopefully not too late. :)

confused

i am not one to be open about my feelings, especially when they're not nice feelings. it's easy for me to show my happiness or excitement but never sadness or pain. i'd rather go to a dark corner and cry without anybody seeing it, as i've always done since i was little. at this point, i really do not know if i am blocking my feelings to pretend that everything is alright with the world or if i really am okay and do not feel anything at all. maybe if i spend time thinking about it, i may discover a dam that's about to burst. but the thing is, i don't want to think about it. i can't really feel anything when i don't even think about it, can i?

what's done is done. it doesn't even matter how much time i spend thinking about it because it doesn't change a thing. i still won't understand. i still would feel disappointed. i would still be dismayed.

i wish i could pinch myself and discover everything is a dream. more of a nightmare, really. but no matter how much i pinch, i just discover that i am awake... and that all this is true. so enough with the physical pain because i might just discover that the emotional one already hurts too damn much.

a birthday greeting...

everyone probably think their mom is the best mom in the world. i know i do.

to the woman who has always been strong and courageous and unselfish...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MOM!

may God continue to bless you and guide you through your most troubled times. we're always here for you. we love you very much!

*sigh*

an old song that audrey asked me to listen to and it just struck a chord.

sometimes a love goes wrong
carrie lucas

i hate to say i'm leaving you
i wish to God that i could stay
things ain't right between us
not the way that used to be
the love we thought would last forever and a day
cannot be

cause sometimes a love goes wrong
sometimes a heart can fear love
sometimes a love goes wrong
just when you think you got it
sometimes a love goes wrong
sometimes a heart can fear love
sometimes a love goes wrong
just when you think you got it
look and love is gone

why did the feelings have to change
why couldn't it remain the same
where's the joy and laughter
and all the things that we once knew
i know that it´s so hard believin'
that we're through but it's true

cause sometimes a love goes wrong
sometimes a heart can fear love
sometimes a love goes wrong
just when you think you got it
look and love is gone

oh when a love is through
there ain't nothin' that you can do
when love comes along
look around it's gone
when love is gone you feel you can't go on
and the love you have found look around and it's gone
oh, what am i gonna do?