i'm tired

i just am.

nine days into the new year and i am having a hard time following my new year's resolution.

sigh.

cebu - b!

kababalik lang namin ni rose from megamall after a looong lunch break. pero hindi naman namin ginamit yung buong lunch break namin sa pagkain. syempre may chikahan. tapos, pumunta kami sa cebu pacific para bumili ng tickets papuntang boracay. yes, people, may balak po kaming pumunta ng boracay dahil may promo sila na 99 pesos one-way airfare. pero bago pa man kami nagpunta ng cebu pacific ticketing office, napalitan na ang plano... from the original february, sa march 9-11 na kami aalis. kasi naman, ang magaling kong project e hindi pa rin nag-uumpisa ngayon. dapat nung december pa siya mag-uumpisa kaya lang dahil sa mga aberya, hindi pa rin kami umuusad. well, may konting usad naman pero konti lang.

anyway, nung na-determine na namin na pinaka-feasible is march 9-11 nga, kelangan syempre namin ng approval ng mga kasama namin. si pogs, madaling um-oo kasi eto ang schedule na talagang gusto niya (yehey! manlilibre si pogs kasi malapit na ang birthday niya nito!). si rumel, kelangan pa naming kumbinsihin pero sa dulo, pumayag din. so set na kaming pumunta ng boracay. pagdating sa ticketing office, wala palang manila-caticlan ang cebu pacific! kelangan naming kunin is manila-kalibo. tapos, kelangang mag-bus to caticlan at boat papuntang boracay. pero sige lang, game pa rin. eto ang catch... wala nang available na weekend papuntang kalibo. naubos na. hindi naman kami pwedeng weekday umalis kasi kelangang maraming leave. so naisip namin, CEBU! suggestion ni rose, sa bantayan island. ako naman, game lang kahit saan. hindi pa rin kasi ako nakakapunta ng cebu. at nun pa lang nasa japan kami, gusto ko nang bisitahin ito dahil sa mga kaibigan naming andun (russel, kelangang ilabas mo na ang red carpet!... romer, i-tour mo kami!). gusto ko ring makita ang city proper, yung magellan's cross at kahit na anong kapag nakita mo sa picture e malalaman mong nasa cebu ka. pictures lang naman ang kelangan ko e. hehehe!

so cebu, here we come! excited na akooooo!!!!

bagong taon

maaga pa lang, naghanda na kami para sa new year. dumating sina ate tetet, kuya weng, franco at sofia sa bahay ng lunch. hindi kasi sila makakasama sa amin sa pag-celebrate ng bagong taon kasi dun naman sila sa mga albis sasama. nung pasko kasi, sa amin sila naki-celebrate kaya sa kabilang side naman ng family sila this time. nakakatuwa kasi good mood si franco nun. nung binigyan kasi siya ng chocolate ni dad, niloko ko siya na siya ang chocolate ko. nung tinanong ko siya, kung siya si baby chocolate, hindi daw. si sofia daw yun. siya daw si kuya chocolate. ganun kami hanggang sa nung pauwi na sila, tinawag naman niya akong ninang chocolate.

nung nakaalis na sila, nagsimula na kaming mag-prepare para sa medya noche. si dad, inayos na ang tenderloin tips. si mom naman, yung kanyang lasagna. ako, nagsimula sa clam chowder. normally, si dad ang gumagawa ng soup. kaya lang, may pamahiin na bawal daw ang manok sa bagong taon (kasi isang kahig, isang tuka daw) e since chicken asparagus soup ang specialty ni dad, naghanap na lang kami ng bagong recipe. hence, si clam chowder. madali lang naman kaya ako na lang ang gumawa.

nung malapit nang mag-12 midnight, lumabas kami para manood ng mga paputok. yep, hindi kami bumili ng kahit anong paputok this year. aba, makita namin e yung buong street namin e ganun din ang ginawa. nakinood lang lahat kami. ok na rin kasi mas magaganda yung paputok ng nasa paligid namin. hindi pa sobrang ingay at sobrang usok sa lugar namin. pagdating ng alas-12, pumasok na kaming mag-anak at nagdasal. ganito kami every new year. kapag dating ng alas-12, magdadasal na ang buong pamilya. dati nga, nung sa cuenca pa kami nagba-bagong taon, lahat ng mga pamilya ng marasigan na andito sa pinas, magkakasamang magdasal. tapos dadasalan kami nina tatay at inay. so nung wala na sila, naipasa sa amin yung tradition.

after ng dasal, dumating na ang mga tito, tita at pinsan. dito sila nag-medya noche kasi si mom ang pinakamatanda sa kanilang magkakapatid. daming pagkain! merong tatlong uri ng pasta ---- yung lasagna ni mom, spaghetti ni tita edith at yung pasta with sausages ni tita baby. tapos merong dalang paksiw at pupor sina tita eva. meron ding fruit salad. at syempre, yung tenderloin tips at clam chowder. tuwang-tuwa sila sa tenderloin ni dad kasi naglagay kami ng mainit na mantika sa maliit na fondue pot. tapos ikaw ang magluluto dun nung beef, depende kung paano mo siya gustong lutuin. ayun, hit na hit sa mga pinsan at mga tito at tita. kami, kahit sanay na (ginagawa kasi namin ito for the last few years), enjoy pa rin sa pagkain. binuksan din namin yung novellino na strawberry passion. sarap!



tumawag din ang mga taga-amerika --- sina tito rudy at tita nona, nakausap namin. syempre, kuwentuhan at picture taking. tapos naglaro ng pusoy dos ang mga pinsan. ang saya ng pasok ng bagong taon! sana preview na ito ng magandang 2007.

new year

malapit na ang bagong taon. ilang oras na lang, 2007 na. isa lang ang new year's resolution ko for 2007: maging masaya. sa tingin ko kasi, sa buhay ko, nag-iintay ako ng mga bagay para makapagpasaya sa akin. either may pupuntahan ako o may gagawin ako o may mangyayari para maging masaya ako. sa araw-araw kasi, parang deadma lang. hindi ako masaya, hindi rin naman malungkot. so sana, ang gusto kong mangyari sa 2007 e maging mas masaya ako sa araw-araw. syempre, hindi naman pwedeng parati akong masaya. pero at least man lang, for the majority of the next year, maging masaya ko.

siguro, kelangan kong maging aware sa mga magagandang nangyayari sa araw-araw ko para maging masaya ako. naisip ko kasi, hindi naman pwedeng parating may mangyaring extraordinary sa buhay ko. kailangan, ako ang humanap ng dahilan para maging masaya. ako pa naman, masyadong nag-iisip. buti sana kung magaganda yung mga pinag-i-iisip ko. e minsan, kapag umandar na ang pagka-praning ko, mas sumasama pa ang loob ko e. kailangan na akong matutong mag-let go sa mga bagay na hindi ko naman mako-control. kung ayaw mo, huwag mo, ika nga.

kailangan ko ring simulang gawin ang mga bagay na gusto ko. or at least, gumawa ng paraan para magawa ko ang mga bagay na gusto ko. hindi lang puro trabaho. hindi lang puro ibang tao. paminsan-minsan, kelangan ko ring isipin ang sarili ko. kelangan kong matutong humindi, hindi payag lang ng payag kung ano ang sinasabi ng iba.

gusto kong mag-travel. sana makapunta ako sa isang lugar hindi lang dahil sa may business trip ako. gusto kong makalibot, makapagbakasyon. gusto ko ring matutong mag-drums. although, hindi ko alam kung hanggang saan ko gagawin ito kasi wala naman akong balak bumili ng drum set so parang sayang lang din. pero gusto ko pa ring matuto. gusto ko ring matutong humarap sa tao ng hindi kinakabahan. kailangan ko ng lakas ng loob, kapal ng mukha. baka shocking sa iba, pero totoo. hindi ko pa alam yung mga ibang bagay na gusto kong gawin pero i'm sure, makakaisip pa ako ng maiidagdag sa listahan ko.

wish ko para sa lahat, maging masaya ang bagong taon. hindi lang sa january 1 kundi sa araw-araw ng bagong taon. syempre naman, para hindi lang ako ang masaya sa darating na taon.

hello, 2007!

no good for me

"i see a home in a quiet place
i see myself in a strong embrace
and i feel protection from the human race
it's not parental

but it's a fantasy, not a reality
and it's good, no, no good for me,
you have no idea

that i'm walking through the clouds
when you're looking at me
i'm feeling like a child
vulnerability
i am shaking like a leaf if you move beside me
and you're all that i see
but it's no good for me..."

- the corrs, talk on corners

forever and a day

it's been four years and four months since two of our dear friends got together. yesterday, rish and vin, finally tied the knot. we've been looking forward to this wedding since i-don't-know-when. ever since we knew of their engagement, we were all waiting for this day to happen.

we were avid spectators from the very beginning. some of us had more time watching it unfold before them while some followed it from the sidelines. needless to say, everyone was cheering for this happy ending. it's actually more of a happy beginning than a happy ending, though.

we were all big fans of this love story. they are proof that true love does not always mean that you say it but that you always show it. never, in the entire time that they were together, did we ever doubt their love for each other. and now they have pledged to love one another for their lifetimes. and maybe beyond.

our boys

when we were going out during friday nights in cincinnati, it's usually me, audrey, carmel and jay together. beyond our core group of four, we usually hang out with guys, much to jay's dismay. we would go out with carmel's friends, andrew, justin, kyle, louis and sarah or hang out with sheryl's group (which is also mostly guys) or maybe have some teammates with us. we usually go clubbing on friday nights --- either at main strauss or at metropolis. by mid-week, we're already excited with the idea of our friday night out.

i've always surrounded myself with girlfriends, from way back high school and then on to college. even when i started working, i still had girlfriends. so being surrounded with guy friends is quite a change for me. it's nice, though. i had a wonderful time with my guy friends. and although i may not spend time with them anymore, the experiences we had together is a huge part of why i enjoyed my stay in cincinnati.

thanks, guys!

sigh.

after our first saturday night gimmick, we went to audrey's house to hang out. this was at around 1:30 am already. i guess the group wasn't used to going home at that hour because we usually stay out until around 3 am when we're out on friday nights. we got to do our bonding thing and let's just say they were all shocked at how boring my love life was. they said they'll have to do something about it.

yes, it's sad that my so-called love life has been lacking in excitement. it has been for a while now. but what is pathetic is that my friends thinking that i need to be helped along in the areas that i think should happen naturally.

i had some moments to think last sunday as i was preparing for mass and here is what i thought:
i am not overly pretty nor am i really ugly,
i am not exceptionally intelligent nor am i particularly dumb,
i am not exceedingly fat nor am i very thin,
i am not overtly outgoing nor am i extremely shy,
i am neither this nor that.

i am just average. maybe i am extraordinarily average that after almost 29 years, it still remains to be the same boring story. too average that other people don't really take notice. the truth is, i don't mind it most of the time. except at times that people around me have to remind me of it. like now.

i want! i want!

i haven't even bought his second album and he's now out with his third. closer to the sun is the newest album release of guy sebastian, one of my favorite singers.



christmas is coming soon... this is definitely part of my wish list!

saying goodbye

as of today, it will only be a matter of days until i go back. i couldn't explain how i feel but for sure i would miss this place that i have called home for the past year. most people who have been here might be surprised at the statement i just made. after all, some people find life here boring. they say it's in the middle of nowhere. maybe so. but i have come to love this place, as i have other places i have spent quite some time in.

i'm going to miss living alone. i've shared a bedroom with my siblings ever since i was born, it's a welcome change to have a place of my own. sure, i miss having my family around when i am here but it's also nice to have some alone time. i'll miss the independence that i've experienced here. i've lived for a year in japan and a few months in australia but i felt freer here. maybe because i've never been proficient enough in nihonggo to be confident on my own and make friends outside the office and my mobility in australia was very limited. here, i was free to explore places i wanted to see and talk to people freely, without thinking if what i said made sense. i am going to miss having enough resources at hand to be able to splurge once in a while without thinking if it's going to affect my financial responsibilities. but most of all, i think i am going to miss the people i have spent time with and who became really good friends. it's hard saying goodbye because you know things will never be the same when you're oceans, continents and time zones apart.

i'm going to miss a lot of things when i leave. how i wish i could put everything in a big container and carry it all with me.