it's my turn

i think i've started one before but never really got to asking people to put in their perspective. so what's the point, right? so here i am, doing it again and joining the bandwagon, if you want to call it that. tell me what you think of me via my johari window. i promise i won't take it against you, as long as you're honest. :)

musings on the way home

it's been a long journey but i have finally reached the end.

it's amazing how what other people say can influence the way you think and how you perceive things. you sometimes end up creating an image in your head that's opposite from what's true and so detached from reality. but since it's fed into your system constantly, this illusion starts to become your reality. it is a hard battle to fight against it, especially if you'd rather stay in your own made-up world, where everything goes your way. but life has an interesting sense of humor. in an instant, your dream bubble bursts and you're thrown back to the reality the rest of the world knows. you sigh with disappointment but then it's also a relief when you realize soon afterwards that although you've been bruised, you escape in one piece. and then you know that reality is not so bad after all.

***

oh, and by the way, i am celebrating my fourth year in my current company. wooohooo!!! :) it's the longest i've ever stayed in a company and i am glad that it's with this one. what's more amazing is that i am actually looking forward to getting my "loyalty award" next year, very much the opposite of what we felt towards our previous company. happy 4th year anniversary to me! :)

another goodbye

after a long while, i finally got to see a friend today. we chat once in a while via our office instant messenger but since he was far away on assignment (and so was i), we never got to spend any time together. unfortunately, when he came home, he already resigned from the company.

i was in shock.

actually, matagal na niyang sinabi sa akin na ayaw na niyang bumalik sa office sa pinas. i just didn't realize it would be this soon.

i gave him a hug when i finally saw him. he's probably one of the very few guy friends i could give a hug to. i also hugged his wife even though it was the first time we've actually met. with all his stories, i just felt like we were also friends. i was talking excitedly, telling him that i was happy for his good fortune. i knew he deserved it and i knew he would be happier there than he is here. i was happy and excited for him because i knew that his dreams can take place in that new company. but after we said goodbye and i returned to my seat, i felt lonely. i was saddened by the fact that we would not see each other at work, not as much as we used to. i was sad because he is my friend and he left. i wanted to cry but i didn't.

we did promise to keep in touch, promised not to forget each other and to remain friends. that's all i can ask for.

he's back

he's skating in the u.s. national short track championships. the love of my life (haha!) is excelling in his sport as always, in spite of not competing last year. he's still on top of his game. i am still frustrated that i could have been able to watch him compete had i stayed in cincinnati (the competition was in cleveland which is just three hours away!).

soon, he'll be competing in dancing with the stars. i've been a fan of the show and i've regularly watched it when i was in the u.s. with him as part of the lineup, i'll make it a point to watch every single episode. how i wish i would be able to vote for him every week as well.

good luck and well wishes to apolo!

*february 24
======

apolo won his 8th national title in speed skating. way to go, apolo! good luck in milan!

he's leaving

no, not on a jetplane and not even on a midnight train. he's just leaving the company and the team. and i am sad. we are all sad. and panic-stricken. because he is like the legs that the team stand on. what are we going to do without him? of course, we'll cope. simply because we have to. but still...

*sigh*

we're going to miss him terribly. hugs and well-wishes all the way to cincinnati.

serious musings

as i was going to work this morning, i thought of something... i've always imagined spending my life with someone. i guess being a romantic does that to you. i cherish every giddy feeling... those that i experience first hand and even those that i've felt through the stories of my friends. but after a while, i've trained myself not to dwell too much on the thought of a special someone. at the back of my head, though, i still think that maybe one day, what i want and what God has planned for me will coincide. so here's what i've been thinking... what if waiting for that person is setting myself up for disappointment. see, what if i was just too caught up with the idea of being in love that when someone comes along, i may think that i was in love even if i was not? wouldn't that be a recipe for eventual heartache? maybe that's the reason why i try to think things through before i let my feelings get the best of me. controlled emotions ba. on the other hand, i've been accused of over-analyzing things. i think too much daw. so i guess, it's possible 'no? feeling too much and thinking too much at the same time. hindi kaya sumabog ako nito?

wala lang. it's a scary thought that i might be setting myself up for disaster. this, even before anything has ever happened. i might be getting cynical.

a flower that says a lot

the tiger lily. it means, "i dare you to love me".

so i dare you. :)

ask and you shall receive

so i did. i asked God for a sign. usually, i would wait for days and days and not receive anything. God must've known i needed it badly this time so he gave in. but He did not say that the sign he would be giving me is the one i'd hope he would. it was more of a wake up call for me. i think it was His way of telling me that some things are just not meant to be.

from inside your heaven

one good thing about singing in rish and vin's wedding is that i bought carrie underwood's cd. i needed to get a copy of inside your heaven and decided to buy the album. i loved both jesus take the wheel and don't forget to remember me from hearing them on the radio and seeing their mtvs. both songs made me cry (yes, i am admittedly, a crybaby), especially when i saw the mtv of jesus take the wheel because my maternal grandmother died of alzheimer's and it was one of the "stories" depicted there. her fourth single, which i believe is before he cheats, is a funny, funny song. it's about taking revenge on someone who cheated on her --- i think she has a disclaimer in her website saying that she never did any of it. that's probably the reason why i find it so funny... because i couldn't imagine her doing any of those things. i like it because aside from it being humorous, it's so different from her first two singles.

here are a few snippets from my favorite tracks:

jesus take the wheel

"... Jesus take the wheel
take it from my hands
'cause i can't do this on my own
i'm letting go
give me one more chance
save me from this road i'm on
Jesus take the wheel..."

don't forget to remember me

"... here’s a map and here’s a bible if you ever lose your way
just one more thing before you leave
don’t forget to remember me...

... tonight i find myself kneelin’ by the bed to pray
haven’t done this in a while so i don’t know what to say
but Lord i feel so small sometimes in this big old place
yeah i know there’s more important things
but don’t forget to remember me..."

starts with goodbye

"... i guess it’s gonna have to hurt
i guess i’m gonna have to cry
and let go of some things i’ve loved
to get on to the other side
i guess it’s gonna break me down
like falling when you’re trying to fly
it’s sad, but moving on with the rest of your life
starts with goodbye...

i just can't live a lie

"... i know i could say we’re through
and tell myself i’m over you
but even if i made a vow
a promise not to miss you
now and try to hide the truth inside
i fail cause i just can’t live a lie..."

whenever you remember

"... whenever you remember times gone by
remember how we held our heads so high
when all this world was there for us
and we believed that we could touch the sky
whenever you remember i’ll be there
remember how we reached that dream together
whenever you remember..."

it's no wonder she won american idol. she's a really talented singer and i'm sure she'll go a long, long way.

proof...

... na talagang bilog ako ever since



... na maldita talaga si ate. hehehe!



... na likas akong bungisngis



... na pa-cute pala ako noon



... pero may mas pa-cute kesa sa akin