unpretty

does a person's appearance affect how they are treated? do attractive people get an edge in life? when we are taught that inner beauty is what matters, is it the whole truth? or is it just life's way of consoling physically deficient people?

i have been at the receiving end of "fat jokes" for as long as i can remember. either that or i would be told in one way or another that i am fat. when your physique is compared to another person, with the intent of having them at the advantaged side, you can't help but feel insecure. somehow you feel like you're inadequate. or in this instance, more than enough.

i don't like being fat either. but i have come to realize that this is how i was born. i don't know whether to blame heredity, my slow metabolism or the fact that i like to eat. the bottomline is, i am on the heavy side. i would probably be all my life. i am struggling to accept that and to love being this way. there are times when i think i am getting closer to this but some events would make me realize otherwise. like now.

i know a lot of people would not understand this. i don't even expect them to. they might think it's pathetic. fine. if that's how they want to see it, then let it be. i am done explaining my reasons why i think and feel this way. i just know i do.