i am not one to be open about my feelings, especially when they're not nice feelings. it's easy for me to show my happiness or excitement but never sadness or pain. i'd rather go to a dark corner and cry without anybody seeing it, as i've always done since i was little. at this point, i really do not know if i am blocking my feelings to pretend that everything is alright with the world or if i really am okay and do not feel anything at all. maybe if i spend time thinking about it, i may discover a dam that's about to burst. but the thing is, i don't want to think about it. i can't really feel anything when i don't even think about it, can i?
what's done is done. it doesn't even matter how much time i spend thinking about it because it doesn't change a thing. i still won't understand. i still would feel disappointed. i would still be dismayed.
i wish i could pinch myself and discover everything is a dream. more of a nightmare, really. but no matter how much i pinch, i just discover that i am awake... and that all this is true. so enough with the physical pain because i might just discover that the emotional one already hurts too damn much.
