dream, believe, survive

meron akong crush. more of a i-am-a-star-struck-fan crush rather than a you-make-my-heart-flutter-i-might-be-in-love crush. why? basically because he's married. hehehe! and why am i starstruck aside from the fact that he's gorgeous? he's the super-duper expert in his field and he knows more about it than any other person in the company --- well, as far as i know. plus, he's very generous in giving his time and sharing his knowledge with all of us, the regular aliping sagigilids of the SAP world. he's very much living to the hype he's creating all around the world, at least in our world. i guess that's what happens when you work with a person without ever seeing him and all you have is a voice, a couple of emails, loads of sametimes and a million stories from all the other people who have worked with him before.

i've actually told friends that i was, and still is, starstruck (hence, the title)with the people who i see here. people whose names i just see in the teamspace. people who i know are the very experts in their respective fields. and then all of a sudden you see them all here. wow. i am not sure, though, if this is a concept foreign to some people. might be a little too geeky. hehehe!

it's snowing!

the first snowfall in cincinnati... winter is coming!

a mighty nice evening

before i even came here to cincinnati, ate franee (one of ate tetet's long time kabarkadas) and i already planned on seeing each other. ate franee has been working here for a few years now and i was looking forward to seeing her --- a familiar face in a sea of strangers in a foreign land. little did i know that we were in different offices so seeing each other was not as easy as i thought it would be.

last thursday, we finally go to see each other. ate franee drove from downtown cincinnati to our area, about a 40 minute drive. we were so happy to see each other we literally jumped up and down. soon after, we were telling each other stories --- from our high school years and even long after that. when my friends arrived, we started off towards ate franee's house. i must say, it's far off from what we have. it's about 5 times bigger and it really feels like home. well, considering that ate franee has been here for a long time, i guess it's not much of a surprise. after the grand tour of the house, we went to mount adams to eat at teak, a thai restaurant. the food was great and the stories just kept on rolling, making it a great evening. with ate franee paying for the meal, it was even made better! hehehe!



we went to a church near the restaurant after dinner to take some pictures. well, roman, that is. aside from the church, the area had a nice view of the cincinnati skyline. and eventhough we were shivering from the cold, we were all smiles when it was time to take our pictures.

as they always say, time flies when you're having fun. and it was so true this time. too soon, it was time to go home and say our goodbyes.

*****

another note: ate franee lent me her gilmore girls dvd collection --- all four seasons! i am soooo excited! :)

impulse decision

i am not known to be an impulsive person. most people actually know me as a person who thinks too much. but today i did something that took me (literally) 10 minutes to decide on.

i am hoping that i did make the right decision. let's wait and see.

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happy happy birthday to my dear cousin, roy. :)

i have a secret

i am a stalker. hahahaha! :) a harmless one, that is.

an aunt once again

it's been quite a while since this happened but it's still worth a post.

I AM A PROUD AUNT OF A BEAUTIFUL BABY GIRL --- SOFIA BEATRICE MARCOS ALBIS!!!



i just received the pictures from my brother-in-law and i have to say, she is soooo cute! she has taken after her aunt. hahaha! she was born last october 12, a few days after i left for the US. i feel a bit sad that i couldn't see her because i am halfway around the world. but this is definitely something that has kept me looking forward to coming home on christmas!

my precious godson has taken up his role as the loving kuya. they're so adorable together!



i wish i could give them hugs and kisses that could travel overseas.

out here on my own

here i am again, feeling as though i am left to fend off for myself. it's not that i am on the other side of the world, without my family with me. it's the feeling i get when it seems that i am just going along for the ride.

like, "sige na nga, isama na lang natin siya. andyan kasi siya eh." not, "tara, isama natin siya". in filipino terms, sabit lang.

it's a pitiful feeling and i hate it. i don't want to say anything out loud simply because i don't want to draw any attention to it. i don't want to sound as if i want attention. i don't. i just want to feel that i belong.

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...until the morning sun appears
making light of all my fears
i dry the tears
i've never shown
out here on my own...

- out here on my own (ost fame), irene cara

cruisin' down the highways

i got my car today!!! well, it's not really my car but it will be for the duration of my business trip. it's a beige chevrolet malibu and i had to adjust to it since i was only used to driving my car in the philippines.

one cool thing about it --- it has a sunroof! it's not as cool as a convertible but i can live with that. :)

we drove from the airport back to the hotel, with roman giving me directions and basically guiding me through the freeway. it was like i was going back to the days when i was just starting to drive. when i was driving on the freeway, i was at the maximum speed already (65 miles) but all the cars were passing me! normally, i wouldn't care. all i care about is that i am within the speed limit (wouldn't want to be caught speeding and get fined). but roman said that i COULD get caught because i was slowing down the speed of the freeway. and so i stepped on the gas (lightly, may i add) and tried to go with the traffic flow.

we arrived at the office in one piece. :)

i'm off to the other side

in changi airport, waiting for our connecting flight to los angeles.

i just want to share something tremendous that happened to me yesterday, on my last day of preparation before leaving for a one-year assignment in the US.

it started like most days do... me getting into the office late. there was a team meeting that i was supposed to attend but because of the more pressing matters (one of which was packing my trolley for our move to the ortigas office), i decided to forego it. the discussion took longer than expected so after i finished packing and reading my emails, i decided to join in.

our manager was there, explaining matters that were, for the longest time, a topic of heated discussions. things like salary increase, promotions, payband. that discussion led me to really think about the plans i have for my career. which, for the moment, is none. truly. i've been taking it all in stride, accepting assignments as they come and never really planning on what i want to be in say, five years. so i guess i'll be doing a lot more of that soon.

lunch was with rose, the ever-makakalimutin donits who did not realize that i was leaving the next day. we ended up at soho in paseo center and had our usual chika-filled time together. rose would probably be the one i would be missing most from the group since she's the one i see constantly. whenever i would like to see her, i'd either just go down to see her or ask her out for lunch or merienda or dinner. so after lunch, i hugged her goodbye and promised we'll see each other in december.

then as i was finishing up with my day's tasks, sarah tapped me on the back saying, "merienda". i immediately got up, asked ryann to join, and told him about our "tradition" of having merienda once a week. little did i know, it was not the weekly merienda but our "farewell merienda". they bought us cheesecakes because they knew l.u. absolutely looooove them. they even made us say farewell speeches. as much as i wanted them to know how touched i was with the gesture and how much i was going to miss them, i didn't want to be cheesy as well. soon after that, i was hugging everyone, saying goodbye.

i have been to business trips before but somehow this time felt different. maybe because i will be leaving for quite a long time. things will surely be different when i get back.

i thought i had a lot of time to spare, to finish all the things i have to do before leaving. but no. somehow, time was the one thing i needed but could not get enough of.

i arrived home around 9 pm with my family, friends and relatives waiting for me --- even my cousin, reynard, who was much too tired. everyone was making their last minute bilins and some even gave me going away presents. i had a book from tita baby, a rosary from tita cecil and two boxes of polvoron from tita fely. too soon, they started saying goodbye because it was getting late. but as soon as tita eva stepped out of the house, she immediately said that i had visitors. lo and behold, it was tintin and eden! i could not help ut jump with excitement. then, they started coming in --- alvin, andrew (fresh from japan!), his brother, rumel, einstein and reno (three people who i haven't seen for a long time --- especially with the latter). martha soon followed. we were hoping that rose could join us but her hands were tied with work until late. seeing them was a big, wonderful surprise! a great ending to a bittersweet day.

my goodbyes finally ended this morning as i said it to my family. i was only able to say goodbye to karla via the phone since she had to work at night and we had to leave the house really early. the last ones i was able to see were mom and dad since they brought me to the airport. they were used to seeing me off but i guess, same as everyone else, this time it's different. it's going to be longer. they're going to have one less person in the house. and it's going to be a lot less noisy, with karla off to work most nights and me in the other side of the world.

sigh.

i am going to miss the philippines. and everyone in it.

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happy birthday, rosie! too bad, i didn't get to spend it with you.

i am with you too

i am the prostitute working the streets because nobody will hire a transsexual woman.

i am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights.

we are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time.

i am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room.

we are the couple who had the realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men.

i am the person who never knows which bathroom i should use if i want to avoid getting the management called on me.

i am the mother who is not allowed to even visit the children i bore, nursed, and raised. the court says i am an unfit mother because i now live with another woman.

i am the domestic-violence survivor who found the support system grow suddenly cold and distant when they found out my abusive partner is also a woman.

i am the domestic-violence survivor who has no support system to turn to because i am male.

i am the father who has never hugged his son because i grew up afraid to show affection to other men.

i am the person who feels guilty because i think i could be a much better person if i didn't have to always deal with society hating me.

i am the man who stopped attending church, not because i don't believe, but because they closed their doors to my kind.

i am the person who has to hide what this world needs most, love.

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repost this if you believe homophobia or violence of any kind is wrong. was made known to me by rose's blog.