goodbyes

as the final day draws near, my heart constricts. my heart is getting heavier everyday and might burst at the seams when the day finally arrives. but i also understand that it's something that needs to happen and i have no control over it. even if i do, i would not want to influence it as the decision is not mine to take. what is supposed to happen will.

moving on

di naman ako inggitera. di din naman ako ambisyosa. pero minsan, parang feeling ko, napag-iiwanan na ako. di naman ata siya dahil sa lack of effort. sure, di ako bibo, aminado naman ako. pero sa tingin ko naman, i have also something to offer. so isip ko, baka di ko na makikita kung ano ang hinahanap ko kung nasaan ako ngayon. i might need to be more open to other opportunities and possibilities and go out of my comfort zone. i might have been getting too comfortable where i am kaya eto ang nangyari.

small talk

ang hirap talaga mag-small talk. i guess, i'm more of a listener than a talker. nag-lunch kami kanina at kelangan ko talagang bumibo mag-isip ng mga topics para may mapag-usapan kami. kasi mga kasama namin is mga bossing ng client sa project and mahirap naman na di namin sila kausapin. kaya nga bilib na bilib ako sa mga tao na magaling makipag-usap... na nakakahanap ng topics na pwede mapag-usapan kahit na first time nila mag-meet. sabi ko nga sa mga teammates ko, buti na lang at ngayon lang ito kasi naubos ko na ata ang small talk ko for the day, wala na akong sasabihin for tomorrow. hahahaha... :D

the year that was

isang taon na pala since my last post. so obviously, hindi ako naging masipag mag-post last year. di ko na rin tuloy matandaan ang mga nangyari. buti na lang may facebook:

ginia and sam got married... met with joel before he and his family went to new zealand... jeddah cutover... boracay getaway with mark, aj and rogel... three week vacation after six years... we finally have cable tv!!!... bicol escapade with tsongers kahit na inulan kami ng todo... lunch and coffee with college barkada... palawan outing with nessy, chean, rogel, mark and arthur, my first time in palawan... yuan's first birthday... cory aquino's death.... caitlyn's first birthday... martha's birthday, celebrated with the tsongers... PD gets divided, sad... kaze frontlining for parokya, went with mayel, karla and prijm... first time in princeton... meet up with college barkada... back to princeton... road trip to atlantic city with KL... met new friends in princeton... pacquiao wins against cotto, watched at tita olga's sister's place... statue of liberty for the first time, got lost!... thanksgiving with the marasigans for the third time... thanksgiving weekend shopping... MMCS christmas party at mark's place... SAP christmas party at blue leaf... tsongers' christmas party at the bulates... christmas outreach with viajeros... alec leon is born, congrats, alice and noel!... christmas with the marasigans... ate mayel leaves for new york... back in NJ for cutover with stip, beng and micko... meet up with doms and ronram in NYC... times square for the new year!

marami din naman palang nangyari. hopefully i can keep a better track of things that are happening to me via this blog this year.

stop right now

i've been trying to wean myself of something. it seems that i'm either a baby or an addict. or maybe a little bit of both. i've had a few slip ups and i've been scolding myself for all of those instances. i'm just hoping that in time, it'll be easier and i'll get rid of this habit eventually.

in the mean time, i have to go through the pains of it.

starting the year

start of the year. and really, i haven't done much retrospective thinking or any planning for the future. it might be because i am still in vacation mode and i don't want to do a lot of thinking these days. also because these days, thinking makes me reason and sometimes, it really doesn't help my state of being.

i was looking at my previous posts just to give me an insight on what happened last year. i've been remiss in my writing in this blog. i guess my problem is that i procrastinate a lot of times and then everything balloons up. instead of starting with the writing, i just don't write. period. i know it does not make sense but that was what i kept on doing. hopefully, i won't be doing that this year. (is that a resolution?)

this time last year, i was having the same shitty feeling. and nothing could put things into perspective than seeing it in black and white. makes me wonder how i got so... stupid. but i made an ultimatum and i'm sticking to it. so that goodbye really is final. (God help me if i back out of this again).

2008 was a year of challenges for me. ang dami kong trials when it came to work. it was my first time to lead an RTCIS project. halos duguin ako sa mga projects na hinawakan ko. i know i still have a lot to learn on being a project manager. and i am hoping that my experiences have taught me to be a better PM. i helped in creating an RFP. ang hirap din niya, especially when it has to be done immediately and of course, knowing what depends on what you produce. i am still awed by how good some of my teammates are. sometimes i wish i was that good as well. but most of the time, i am just proud of them. it was my first time to go outside of the account this year, too. it was my first glimpse on how true consulting work is. ang hirap din pala niya. it was a good experience, though. and that's not even couting the fact that because of it, i was able to go to france, italy and monaco. it's also my first time to lead a project out of emea. the nice thing about that is, i was recommended by our client manager to do the job. nakakataba rin ng puso knowing that people believe in what you can do. because of this, i was able to go to madrid and meet a lot of wonderful people.

on the personal side, i don't think i've progressed much. i went out with a couple of people, mostly for coffee. with one, i realized that there's no point in holding on to the ideas i had in the past when we've obviously changed a lot after 10 years. with the other, i realized that there's no point in holding on to possibilities of the future. karla was civilly married this year. unfortunately, i was not in the philippines for it. she gave birth to yuan patrick, an amazingly wonderful baby. thankfully, i was here for that one. yuan would always smile and make adorable sounds, you cannot help but fall in love with him. our family went to boracay for a vacation and to celebrate ate tetet and kuya weng's anniversary. it was a first for our family and we had loads of fun (especially during our foodtrips!). a couple of my friends and colleagues got married this year, too --- rolan and krizel, roland and lu, jay and ninay, myn and lloyd. i've also made contact with some friends from long ago (thanks in part to facebook... hehehe!)

overall, it's been a good year. a lot of challenges but a lot of blessings too. i am hoping that 2009 will be a better year for me, though. :)

dinner out in madrid

went out last night with the girls --- emma and bea. friends sila ni alba (yung project manager na pinalitan ko). nakakatuwa sila kasi very friendly talaga. emma is upbeat and positive. bea is very nice... kahit na minsan, nahihirapan siyang mag-english, kinakausap pa rin niya ako. she's always smiling and is very sweet. well, akala ko kaming tatlo lang ang lalabas pero sinama nila si alberto. alberto is one of their teammates. nung umpisa, di niya ako kinakausap. siguro, hindi rin sanay mag-english. medyo awkward kasi siya yung naging driver namin tapos ako yung pinaupo nila sa front seat. we went to this place near islas filipinas, which is near emma's house. nakita ko nga yung istatwa ni rizal so sabi ko, i have to take a picture. nun lang nila nalaman na si rizal yung national hero ng pinas.

anyway, we went to this restaurant called alcaravea and the food was great! :) ang nakakatuwa, aside from the chopito (parang calamares pero baby cuttlefish ang gamit), puro bago yung mga kinain ko. may parang lumpia na may seafood sa loob tapos tomato marmalade yung sauce. then there was tuna with fresh tomatoes (and i don't usually like fresh tomatoes but these were really good), and then 7 kinds of mushrooms with eggs. syempre, yung chopito. and white wine. kami lang girls actually ang umubos ng isang bote ng white wine. hehehe! and again, i am not a big fan of wines pero ok yung pinili ni emma. :)

the conversation started with us noticing that the waiter was very animated with talking to bea. and to think, si emma yung madalas dun. sabi nga nila, kahit daw ako e nakapansin and to think na wala akong naintindihan sa sinabi nung waiter. then albert started telling me about bea and diego, na gusto daw ni diego si bea, which bea vehemently denied. hahaha... so nakisakay lang ako. sabi ko, itatanong ko ke diego para straight from the source. basically, dun umikot yung conversation namin... ke bea. sabi ko nga, baka si albert, may gusto din ke bea kaya niya laging tinutukso sa iba. saka kasi, lagi daw siya binu-bully ni bea. e kung di niya type si bea, papa-bully ba siya? hehehe... just my two cents. sa panunukso namin ke bea, tinanong nila kung meron daw bang tsismis sa pinas. basta ang sabi ko lang, mahal ng mga girls si pablo. hehehe... :) sabi ko kay bea, masanay na siya sa pagiging center of attention. sabi ko, e anong magagawa mo, maganda ka? hehehe... :D

anyway, i really had fun with the dinner. nakakatuwa kasi effort talaga sila to make me feel welcome here. totoo pala ang sabi ni jaime... i will love it here in madrid. :)

madrid weekend

it was my first weekend in madrid and i was alone. don't get me wrong, wala naman akong reklamo. there are good points in being alone in a new place. wala akong kelangang intindihing iba... kung kelan ko gustong umalis, ok lang. kung saan ko gustong pumunta, ok lang din. although, there are also some not-so-good points... like, mahirap kumuha ng picture mag-isa. either nagmumukha akong ewan kumuha ng picture ko or kakapalan ko ang mukha ko para mag-request sa ibang tao na kuhanan ako ng picture. care naman ng ibang tao sa picture na kukunin nila para sa akin diba? (audrey, i miss youuuuu!!!) lonely din umikot mag-isa... wala kang kukuwentuhan o wala kang kasama kumain.

marami akong napuntahan sa weekend ko sa madrid... first stop, templo de debod. the temple is dedicated to the gods amon and isis and was donated to spain by the egyptian government. sayang lang, hindi na ako nakapasok kasi maaga nagsasarado yung temple. next stop was plaza de espana. on my way to the sabatini gardens, nadaanan ko din yung senate building. i liked the gardens kasi kita mo yung palacio real sa tabi. dati daw dito nakatira yung mga monarchs pero di na ngayon. ginagamit na lang for official ceremonies. pwede din atang pumasok kaya lang, hindi na rin ako nakapasok sa loob. so picture na lang sa labas. sa tapat ng palacio real is plaza de oriente. katabi naman niya yung catedral de la almudena. sakto naman na pagpasok ko, nagsisimula na yung misa. so nagsimba na ako. syempre, espanyol yung salita. at least, na-gets ko kung ano yung gospel, for a change. after ng misa, naglakad-lakad pa ako ng konti tapos umabot ako sa plaza de la villa at sa plaza mayor. kahit na late na, marami pa ring tao sa plaza mayor. dun na ako nag-dinner, sa museo del jamon. naisip ko, since kilala ang spain sa hamon, might as well yun ang kainin ko. bumili ako ng bocadillo de jamon (basically, french bread na may palaman na hamon) saka paella de embotido (chorizo, 2 klase ng ham at keso). akala ko, di ako maso-sobrahan sa ham pero ang dami kasi kaya medyo nagsawa ako. hehehehe...

next day, marami akong planong puntahan. yun lang, pagdating ko sa parque retiro, wala na daw battery yung camera ko!!! so bumalik pa ulet ako sa hotel para mag-charge ulet (chinarge ko naman yung battery ko nung gabi). anyway, nung feeling ko may charge na ulet yung camera ko, bumalik ako dun. unang photo op ko is sa puerta de alcala. tapos pumunta na ako sa parque retiro. in fairness, maganda talaga yung park kasi ang daming pwedeng picture-an. ang daming fountains, statues, tapos meron pang lake. tapos sa loob ng park, andun din yung museo nacional centro de arte reina sofia (wooosh, ang haba!) saka yung palacio de cristal. nung pauwi, dumaan ako sa puerta del sol saka balik ulet sa plaza mayor.

marami pa akong gustong puntahan... sana next weekend, pwede pa. :)

ay ewan

nakaka-dismayang isipin na merong mga tao na kayang ipagpalit ang tama dahil lang sa pera. i don't want to seem holier-than-thou and i may be clueless to their reasons or i just never went through what they're undergoing. i may be too sheltered or protected in my life to understand. and i can't meld the idea that someone who's supposed to know better and you're supposed to look up to would be the one to do that. hay... di ko talaga maintindihan. o baka ayaw ko lang siyang intindihin.

i'm back

ok, so it's been some time now since i last put up a post. it's been busy but i know that's not an excuse.

so what's been happening to me?
- went home after my three-month stint in france
- was assigned to an australia project but did not push through
- took on another project based in australia when one of my teammates resigned
- was asked to help out another project for the site CMMI certification
- took on a new project based in jeddah and will be flying to spain

on the personal side,
- met with the tsongers and planned for a euro-trip (di ko lang sure kung tutuloy talaga ito)
- karla gave birth to yuan patrick, i am an aunt for the third time. :)
- carmel, our friend from cincinnati, came to visit
- met with ginia, jwo and rona - gels in manila reunion
- we had our company sportsfest - we're back-to-back champions in bowling and our tower is hailed overall champion! :)
- met with ariel for coffee, catching up
- faye went to the US for her first business trip. woohooo!!!
- tower planning session and offsite in nasugbu!
- krizzie and rolan's wedding in nasugbu!
- fitting for myn and lloyd's wedding
- oliver's 3rd birthday! :)
- yuan's baptism and sofia's 3rd birthday! :)
- tsongers get-together for rose's birthday
- videoke and celebration dinner with stip, lex, rogel and shane
- benedict's first birthday!

i'll try to post more in the coming days, weeks and months.