is it really greener on the other side?

for a while now, i have been asking my boss to give me SAP projects. it's been a while since i've done that and i miss working with my teammates. geeky as it may sound, i miss doing configurations and seeing them work. there is one biiiiiig project, coming in a few months, and i have expressed my intent on being on that team. the reason why i want to be on it is that (1) it's a big project so the role that my module will have will also be significant and (2) the project manager heading it is the same one i worked with in my australia project.

when my manager talked to me yesterday about training a new person for my new role (since i cannot do both my current role and be on that big project), i suddenly had some antagonistic feeling. not toward my manager but toward the situation. a situation i put myself in. *sigh* i was suddenly feeling selfish about what i was doing. i wasn't ready to part with it. it's just been a year since i started and it took me a lot of time and effort to learn all these things. i told jose about it as he was the one i was always sharing my work-related dilemmas with. he asked me to think of what i really wanted, what my goals were, where did i want to go eventually. and the truth is, i haven't looked that far ahead. i was fairly happy with what came my way.

the decision on whether i am giving up the role (and who i am transferring it to, if ever) has been postponed until next year. so for now, i don't have to think about the dilemma i am in. hopefully, things would get resolved before that so i don't have to make the difficult decision myself.