i am with you too

i am the prostitute working the streets because nobody will hire a transsexual woman.

i am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights.

we are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time.

i am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room.

we are the couple who had the realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men.

i am the person who never knows which bathroom i should use if i want to avoid getting the management called on me.

i am the mother who is not allowed to even visit the children i bore, nursed, and raised. the court says i am an unfit mother because i now live with another woman.

i am the domestic-violence survivor who found the support system grow suddenly cold and distant when they found out my abusive partner is also a woman.

i am the domestic-violence survivor who has no support system to turn to because i am male.

i am the father who has never hugged his son because i grew up afraid to show affection to other men.

i am the person who feels guilty because i think i could be a much better person if i didn't have to always deal with society hating me.

i am the man who stopped attending church, not because i don't believe, but because they closed their doors to my kind.

i am the person who has to hide what this world needs most, love.

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repost this if you believe homophobia or violence of any kind is wrong. was made known to me by rose's blog.

in limbo

i've been meaning to post about my decision for some time now but time is what i haven't had for the past month. well, the truth is, i haven't made any decisions yet. i have left it all to God. really.

see, i am supposed to be included in a project in the US. when our boss told me that my spot in the project is 100%, that was the time i had questions.

"do i really want this?"
"do i want to leave my current role?"
"is it really a good opportunity for me?"
"am i sure i want to start again?"

then my parents got really excited (together with the rest of my relatives) that i was indeed going to the US. my aunt in new york already has plans to visit me when i get there. and so i was looking forward to going myself. but days and weeks went by and there's still no one to replace me in my current role. i can't just pack up and leave the people i work with right now hanging.

so basically, i am in limbo. not sure if i am going or staying. i am leaving it all up to them. i'd rather not be stressed about it. after all, there's nothing i can do about it anyway.

single... for life?

i think i am getting old. and it's worrying my friends more than i am.

aren and i were talking about how we weren't able to celebrate birthdays in the office anymore. i suggested that we renew our monthly collection so that we can all chip in for birthday cakes for the celebrants. aren noted that i won't be here on my birthday because i am slated to go on a business trip that time.

aren: sayang, may ipapa-date pa naman sana kami sa iyo pagdating ng birthday mo
me: aren, kapag hindi totoo yan, lagot ka sa akin

so aren took my statement seriously and started thinking of guys she can pair me up with. came merienda, joey, sol, sarah and eric all knew about aren's plan. she was even listing qualities that the person has to have to be "qualified".

i didn't know if i would find it extremely amusing or utterly embarrasing!

most of the time, i don't mind being single. my life is fulfilling enough as it is. but sometimes, you cannot help but think about it. like when you're with your barkada with everyone else bringing their partners. or when your aunt is seriously considering setting you up with someone 12 years your senior. or when the whole clan is asking when you will have a boyfriend because all your other siblings (younger ones at that) already have one.

i remember asking eden if it is possible to have a vocation you don't want. i was wondering if i am meant to be single when i do want to have a family. she said that it's probably not going to happen if i don't want my life to take that path. but really, that conflicts with what my mom once said. that you might be fighting a calling that God wants for you --- and eventually, you just have to give in.

so what really is my vocation? i don't know. i guess only time will really tell.