the battle i fight within

self-pity is a battle i try to get through. although at times i try to act as if i am this confident woman-of-the-world who has come to terms with who she is, there are still instances when my insecurities come rising to the surface. even though i can probably hide it from the rest of the world, i can't fake it deep inside. and it wears me down.

i'll be ok. i know i'll be. this is just a bump in the road, something that has made me stumble but then i'll get on with my life. it's nobody's fault but mine anyway.

i don't want to be cynical. really. i want to look at life and still see the beauty in it. i want to look at the future and be excited and know that good things are in store for me. i need to believe that. and maybe that will get me through this.

darn.

addicted
written by: kelly clarkson/david hodges/ben moody

it’s like you’re a drug
it’s like you’re a demon i can’t face down
it's like i’m stuck
it’s like i’m running from you all the time
and i know i let you have all the power
it’s like the only company i seek
is misery all around

it’s like you’re a leech
sucking the life of me
it’s like i can’t breathe
without you inside of me
and i know i let you have all the power
and i realize i’m never gonna
quit you over time

it’s like i can’t breathe
it’s like i can’t see anything
nothing but you
i’m addicted to you
it’s like i can’t think
without you interrupting me
in my thoughts
in my dreams
you’ve taken over me
it’s like i’m not me
it’s like i’m not me

it’s like i’m lost
it’s like i’m giving up slowly
it’s like you’re a ghost
that’s haunting me
leave me alone
and i know these voices in my head are mine alone
and i know i’ll never change my ways
if i don’t give you up now

i’m hooked on you
i need a fix, i can’t take it
just one more hit
i promise i can deal with it
i’ll handle it, quit it
just one more time, then that’s it
just a little bit more to get me through this

a resolution

things are going to be different soon. i promise. i have told people repeatedly that events in your life will happen again and again until you have learned the life lesson it's supposed to bring. well, it seems i haven't learned my lesson. i am now resolved not to do it anymore. maybe then my life will change for the better.

elections

a couple of days ago, the barangay and sangguniang kabataan elections were held. we went to batangas to vote. as per usual, i asked my aunt who to vote for because i don't know the people who were running. one question still remains on my mind. are there still people running whose reason is simply to serve the people? in my heart of hearts, i am hoping that the answer to this question is yes. because if not, what is the point of voting? i don't want to vote simply to put "the lesser evil" in position. i'd like to think that there are still people out there who give part of themselves to help this country be better.

i just hope i am right.