fail.

have you ever felt so down that it seems that you are stuck, wallowing in your sadness while the rest of the world goes on? i feel that way today. i feel like a total and utter failure. i keep on looking back and thinking, if i had done things differently, if i had made a different decision, would things have worked out for the better?

i went home trying to get some answers, trying to get some assurance that i did everything but i don't think it matters right now. the end result is still the same.

i admit that i am not the best in my role right now, i still have a lot to learn. i feel like i need to be at a certain point and know certain things but i still don't. but i keep thinking that's fine, as long as i feel i am doing right by the people i work for --- for my team. but today, i feel that i failed them, that i failed myself. and i don't know how to change things right now. and i feel like a total and utter failure.

maybe one day i'll get the hang of it and maybe i'll get it right next time. i just hope i have enough time on my hands to do that.