love letter

dear SAP Practice volleyball team,

i just want to say how proud i am to be part of this circle. i am in constant awe of the talent that you guys have, the passion for the sport and your ever uplifting and positive spirit.

i was included in the team because there was no other choice. yes, saling kit lang talaga ako. zippy included me since wala nang ibang girls na sumali --- 2 lang daw ang girls from last year na natira. and since lagi naman daw akong nanonood (yes, matagal na akong supporter ng SAP Practice volleyball team), might as well daw isama na ako sa list. just in case kulang ng girls --- better to have me than lose by default. makes sense. so sige. the moment zippy sent out the list, nagdalawang isip na ulet ako. kasi naman, kakatakot. e kung wala na ngang choice kung hindi ipasok ako? at ako ang dahilan para matalo ang team? susko. pero sige na, ayaw na akong tanggalin ni zippy sa list.

my only goal was to get more exercise, get more active. dati kasi, kahit na sinasabi kong sasali ako sa practice, hindi rin ako nakakapunta kapag busy ako (which is all of the time), kasi isip ko naman, wala namang mawawala sa akin if hindi ako sumali. this time, kapag hindi ako sumali sa practice, may double reason if pumalpak ako sa game itself. so sige, sama ako sa lahat ng practice. para kung pumalpak ako, kasama na si Lord sa sisisihin ko. di Niya ako binigyan ng talent sa pag-spike at pag-block, e. di rin Niya ako binigyan ng height to even attempt man lang. so kung wala man akong talent, wala man akong physical abilities, baka naman madaan sa effort. so go.

high school pa yung last kong actual laro ng volleyball. so that was a verrrry long time ago. and that was just because kailangan siya sa PE. i was never good at it, but i liked playing it. i guess ganun ako in most sports, even in the sports that i say are "mine". so kahit na hingalin ako sa pagtakbo sa "warm up" at magkapasa ang mga braso ko dahil sa pag-receive at pag-serve ng bola, go pa rin. babalik din naman siya sa dati.

i think good thing na rin na hindi ako pwede nung first game. that was probably the most difficult game/opponent that we had to play. sila nag-champion eventually, e. and undefeated at that. we needed to field our best players there. i think naman andun sila.

nung first time kong maglaro, i think marami akong naging errors. unfortunately, talo tayo. inisip ko talaga nun na wag nang magpakita sa susunod pang mga games. kasi baka mapilitan si zippy or si pet na ipasok ako just because dumating ako. e mas gusto ko na manalo tayo. pero isip ko rin, baka nga ma-default. so kahit na nagdadalawang isip, pumupunta pa rin ako sa bawat game natin. pero on the way, mula paranaque hanggang greenhills, constant ang dasal ko --- sana di ako magkalat. sana maka-contribute ako sa team. sana manalo kami. hindi na para sa akin kundi para sa inyo na malaki ang puhunan sa team na ito.

nung dumating na sa point na lagi na lang do-or-die, natuwa naman ako at marami nang uma-attend. nakakahinga na rin ako kasi marami sa girls ang uma-attend. ibig sabihin, hindi ako required na ipasok. natuwa rin ako kasi nananalo tayo. ang sarap ng feeling. hahaha!

sayang lang, sa last 2 games, hindi tayo nanalo. hanggang ngayon naman, malaki ang paniniwala ko na kaya nating umabot sa finals. pero since tapos na, next year na lang.

anyway, gusto ko lang din magpasalamat sa lahat-lahat. sa pagbibigay sa akin ng chance maglaro. sa di pagpapagalit sa akin kapag sumasablay ako. sa pagtitimpi tuwing crucial part na ng game. sa pagtulong sa akin mag-improve sa paglalaro ng volleyball. salamat ng maraming marami. malay nyo, isang araw, maging kasing galing nyo na ako. :)

thank you for the great experience of playing with you. i will miss our saturday/sunday games.

*hands in* 1-2-3... yes! :)

p.s. pahabol lang sa special mentions
1. pet --- idol! grabe to the next level ang galing at pasensya mo. kung merong tinatawag na leadership by example, ikaw yun. ikaw ang pinakamasipag sa court, ang nagmo-motivate sa lahat, ang di natitinag sa pagpapraktis sa amin, ang laging andiyan kapag may laro. nag-reminisce nga kami ni christian at sabi ko, kahit di ka pa sap practice, kilala na kita kasi galit ako sa iyo dati. kasi ikaw ang dahilan kung bakit natatalo kami. hahahaha! buti na lang, kakampi ka na namin ngayon. salamat, boss (yes, ikaw talaga ang boss)

2. free --- isa ka pang boss! napanood na kita last year pero di ko na-realize kung gaano ka kagaling until nakita ko ng malapitan. ang masasabi ko lang, bow ako! ang galing galing galing mo! sayang at konti lang sa team natin ang nakakaalam nito. isa ka pang ever-present, ever-"kaya natin to". proud akong maging teammate mo --- in and out of the volleyball court!

3. pao --- ikaw ang galing and entertainment in one! kapag ikaw na ang magse-serve or papalo, lagi akong nakaabang kung ano ang gagawin mo at kung paano mo gagawin. sa bawat game, di ko alam kung happy pao ka or bitchy pao. but either way, constant naman na magaling ka. heehee! favorite moment ko ang taray moment mo. sayang, wala akong camera nun. kodak moment yun, e!

4. zippy --- utang ko sa iyo kung bakit ako kasama sa team na ito. maraming salamat kahit na na-stress ako ng bonggang bongga nung sinama mo ako sa lineup.

5. papa ben --- ikaw na ang overall player --- pwede spiker, tosser, libero. may sense of calmness ako kapag andiyan ka. cool ka lang kasi kahit na anong nangyayari sa loob at labas ng court.

6. nyan --- ilang beses lang tayo nagkasama sa games pero nung sinabi mong, "sipag lang", tinotoo mo ng bonggang bongga. saludo ako sa iyo.

7. christian --- ang partner ko sa cheering! in fairness, may gamit talaga ang malakas nating boses. :) next time kasi, mag-ingat para di nagkakasakit kapag may game! :P

8. mia --- idol din kita! galing mong pumalo! ang galing mong mag-volleyball, period. parang di ka dapat i-classify sa girls, e. hahaha! :)

9. hilda --- ikaw ata ang hardest working girl sa volleyball team. kung si pet ang laging andiyan sa boys, ikaw ang laging andiyan sa girls. habol kung habol. at lagi pang naka-smile.

10. nica --- ikaw na ang maraming fans. but then again, expected na yun. maganda na, magaling pa. saan ka pa naman?

11. jill --- natuwa ako sa last usap natin about you-know-what. hehehe! natutuwa din ako sa iyo kasi parati kang naka-smile kahit na crunch time na. :)

12. pia --- natutuwa ako kasi nagkasama tayo outside of the office. and outside of bowling. :) salamat sa pakikinig sa lahat ng kuwento at tsismis ko. hahaha... next year ulet!

13. joana and janice --- ang mga kasama ko pang cheerers. thanks for keeping the "yes" in SAP Practice! :) fun ang games kapag andiyan kayo. :)

ulet, maraming maraming maraming salamat sa inyo. i love you all. bow.

super bass

i know i might be a little too late posting this but sofia grace is soooo talented! and soooo adorable too!

sofia grace's show stopping performance:


nicki minaj sings "super bass" with sofia grace


it was soooo cool of ellen to surprise the girls like that. and it was sooo touching that nicki went out of her way to see the girls. love love love this! :)

yuan chronicles - trick or treat

every year, our company hosts a trick or treat event for the kids. since i still don't have kids of my own, i bring my nephew or niece. this year, it was yuan's turn. we bought him a spiderman costume which he didn't like. he wanted a buzz lightyear or a mr. incredibles costume but we couldn't find any. since ninang thought any costume was better than no costume at all, went ahead and bought the spiderman costume.

ibang usapan nga lang ang pagpapasuot ng costume. up to the last minute, ayaw isuot ni yuan ang costume nya. buti na lang at pumayag din sa huli.



ang daming bata! nasa last group na kami kasi late na kami. marami pa rin naman kaming nakolektang kendi. happy naman si spiderman.

he even made a new friend --- aien, steph's niece. before it was time to go home, they were playing as if they were already close friends.



trick or treat ---- success!

trying my hand on baking

this is in no way near professional but my niece, sofia, asked for a pink cake for her birthday and here is my best effort. :)

finding someone

i was out with my college friend last wednesday and we got to talk about finding someone. he has been set up by another friend of his on a blind date. he said he was getting tired of those kinds of dates since they normally don't work. at least not for him.

i have never gone on a blind date because one, i have this fear of seeing disappointment in the other person's eyes and two, there is so much pressure when you're on a blind date. unless the person who set you up was asked to, normally that person would have seen something common between the two of you (hopefully, something more than being single) or something that would make him/her think that you would click. it's kind of daunting to think of the expectations when you're set up on a blind date. you're supposed to hit it off, have fun, fall in love and live happily ever after. but what if you don't?

i guess one of the biffest problems that i have with these kinds of dates is that i am not very good in doing "small talk". i listen. that is normally my role in these kinds of conversations. sure, i could hold my own for about 5-10 minutes. but after talking about work or the weather or how you're connected, that's probably it for me. of course it's different when i am with friends. but then again, you're not with friends when you're in a blind date.

my friend also said one thing that stuck with me. he said that he wanted someone that he could be bored with. at first, i was weirded out. why in hell would you want to be bored with someone? don't you go out with someone to have fun? he then explained that it was easy to be with another person when you're having fun and doing exciting things. however, that is not what happens everyday. he said he wants someone who he could just habg out and do simple stuff with (like cook dinner for her instead of eating out). and i agree. life isn't always fun and exciting. it would be great to find someone who knows how to enjoy and have fun but would still be happy with you during the boring times.

thinking of the future

a lot people are leaving and moving on with their lives. my college barkada are scattered all around the world --- bahrain, austria, new zealand and the u.s. officemates have resigned and moved to singapore and australia.

i once thought of leaving the country but it hasn't been for a while now. during my first project in my current company (which was almost 9 years ago), i got a chance to travel to sydney and actually fell in love with australia. it was the only country that i thought that i could leave the philippines for. after all this time, i am beginning to consider this again.

i've been to a lot of countries... and for that, i will always be grateful to my company. because of my work, i got to go to a lot of places and experienced a lot of things. and it has given me a better perspective of the world and has made me a more independent person.

i always thought that i would be staying here in the philippines. i love it here. and migrating to another country was not something i was considering. however, where i am in my life now is opening this idea once again. i will be in my mid-30s soon and i need to consider all aspects of my life. and i sometimes feel that some of the dreams that i have for myself might only be realized in another country. and it's not money, mind you. i've never been one to make money a priority in my life. i'd like to have more of it, sure. but it's not something that drives my decisions.

i've talked this through with friends, colleagues and workmates. hopefully, things will turn out well. *fingers crossed*

random thoughts on marriage and infidelity

it's been a while since my last post and it's funny to think that a movie can push me to write again.

kakauwi lang namin pagkatapos manood ng "no other woman". yes, tagalog movie. sa mga hindi nakanood (pasensya na sa mga gusto pang manood), ang plot ng story is that ram (derek ramsay) and cha (cristine reyes) are a happily married couple. ram is a furniture designer and cha is a housewife. everything was going great until ram is given a chance to bid to furnish a resort owned by the zalderiaga. ram goes to the resort and meets cara (anne curtis). they flirt, have a fun time in the resort. ram confesses that he is married but cara doesn't care. they have an affair. eventually, cha finds out, confronts cara. ram decides to end things with cara but it's too late and cha leaves ram. mr. zalderiaga also finds out about the affair. ram loses his wife and his business. as if that wasn't enough, he finds himself in an accident after running away from cara who wants to talk to him. he is rushed to the hospital, with cara following him. cara calls cha and eventually apologizes. ram recovers and cha takes him back. cara goes back to new york. whew.

so bakit ako napasulat?

one, bakit ba kasi pumapatol sa taong may asawa? hindi ba malinaw sa mga tao na kapag may asawa na, hands off! anak naman ng pating. hindi ba kasalanan yun sa lahat ng relihiyon? or kahit wala kang relihiyon? ewan ko, ha... pero sa akin kasi, kapag may asawa na (o kahit nga girlfriend pa lang), hindi na dapat pinapatos. hindi ba natatakot ang mga tao sa karma? susko naman. may tanong nga si anne curtis dun sa sine, ano daw ba ang gagawin mo kung yung lalaking mahal mo e may asawa? papatalo ka daw ba? hindi mo daw ba ipaglalaban? ate, wala kang karapatang ipaglaban yun. kung may asawa na yung tao, maghanap ka ng iba. end of story.

two, bakit ba kasi naghahanap ka pa ng iba kung meron ka na? partida na nga dito, si cristine reyes na ang asawa mo. sige, granted na ang other choice is anne curtis. pero di ka talaga makuntento, kuya? sabi ko nga, partida na yan. e paano kung di ka ganun kaganda or ka-sexy? anak ng pating (ulet). hindi ibig sabihin kapag tumanda, nagmukhang losyang o nangamoy mantika ang asawa mo (yes, sabi nila nangyayari yan), may karapatan ka nang palitan siya. hindi yan isang bagay na may warranty na kung masira, pwede mong palitan. touch move yan, noh. kapag nag-"i do" ka, yan na yun.

three, kung may asawa ka at nangaliwa ka, hindi nadadaan lang sa sorry yun. ok ka lang? hihirit ka pa ng, "i don't want to lose you"??? e tanga ka pala, e. ayaw mo pala siyang mawala e bakit ka nangaliwa? sarap mong batukan, kuya. di sa lahat ng bagay, pwedeng may take two, ok?

may nagsabi na sa akin na di ko daw alam ang pinagsasasabi ko since di pa daw ako na-involve sa isang relationship. fine. pero kailangan pa bang magkaroon ka ng boyfriend, girlfriend or asawa para masabi kung ano ang tama at ano ang mali? please lang, wag mong sabihing tama ang mga bagay kapag in love ka. di naman mali na sundin ang puso. pero sana kasi minsan, pinapairal din ang utak. di naman kasi tayo ginawang tanga ni Lord.

one vote

i have been voting since i was 18. my catholic high school upbringing has not just taught me how to be a good person (which i hope i am) but also to be involved and not be apathetic. getting into UP diliman cemented that. unfortunately, in all these instances, the candidate i've voted for did not become the president.

1992 - fidel ramos / miriam defensor-santiago (i voted for jovito salonga)
1998 - joseph estrada / jose de venecia (i voted for raul roco)
2004 - gloria macapagal-arroyo / fernando poe jr. (i again voted for raul roco)
2010 - noynoy aquino / joseph estrada (i voted for dick gordon)

i don't really know why but i feel like this is the most important election i have ever been a part of. and i am probably more relieved now than i was back in 2004. i cannot believe that in spite of everything, erap is still second to noynoy. good thing he didn't win because i might've lost all faith in the filipino people if he did.

i don't think noynoy would be the best president (that's why i didn't vote for him). i think there are a lot of more qualified candidates. however, i believe in his love for the country and the name that he needs to uphold. i do hope he fulfills his promises and eventually becomes the bridge for us to get to where we need to be.

fail.

have you ever felt so down that it seems that you are stuck, wallowing in your sadness while the rest of the world goes on? i feel that way today. i feel like a total and utter failure. i keep on looking back and thinking, if i had done things differently, if i had made a different decision, would things have worked out for the better?

i went home trying to get some answers, trying to get some assurance that i did everything but i don't think it matters right now. the end result is still the same.

i admit that i am not the best in my role right now, i still have a lot to learn. i feel like i need to be at a certain point and know certain things but i still don't. but i keep thinking that's fine, as long as i feel i am doing right by the people i work for --- for my team. but today, i feel that i failed them, that i failed myself. and i don't know how to change things right now. and i feel like a total and utter failure.

maybe one day i'll get the hang of it and maybe i'll get it right next time. i just hope i have enough time on my hands to do that.

still not moving on

they say you have to forgive and forget.

i know i've blogged about this before. but when someone you love betrays you, it's hard to forgive... or even forget. sometimes, i feel it's better not to think about it so that i won't feel the hurt. because everytime i remember what happened, i can't help but shed some tears. even if i am just hearing a song that reminds me of that person, my heart feels like it's being squeezed so tightly. so i push it aside, away from my thoughts, so that i won't have to go through my day feeling so down. sometimes i think that maybe this is all a dream and when i wake up, things will go back to the way they were. but this is the bitter reality, the bitter truth. and as much as i wish that it were not true, it is.