yin and yang

thoughts as i was shopping yesterday, saved in my cellphone

"haaay... it's a very humbling experience. although i don't think i'm even proud to begin with. really, it's now a challenge for me to take it all in stride and not let it affect me. my goodness, i thought i was too old for this insecurity thing but i guess i was wrong."

***

i was watching sop this afternoon when they sang songs of the people who had performed here in manila last year --- chicago, christina aguillera, elliott yamin, taylor hicks, beyonce. kyla sang listen by beyonce and she was amazing! i don't normally blog about these things but she was really great. she was definitely at a different league than her contemporaries.

way to go, kyla!

numb and helpless

today is not a very good day. the year really is not starting too well for me. but this time it's not about me. i am just part of the story.

i think i'm still in shock. i'm not feeling too much. and i am not thinking either. i might have gone numb. or forced myself to go numb without actually meaning to. is this my way of coping with things? i might be tucking all these in the pockets of my mind to be stored away and then dealt with when i already can. maybe i need a shrink. hahaha!

some things do really come up when you least expect them. and to the most unexpected people, no less! i still can't understand how this all happened. well technically, i know how it happened but still...

it's a difficult time but again, i'm just a mere part of the story. if this was turned into a movie, i'm probably be supporting the supporting cast. so i can just imagine how hard it is for all the main players. and really, i don't have much control about the situation. i'm leaving it all up to Him now.

dang! this helpless thing is not really my cup of tea. i hate it when it happens.

new year rantings

ok, so it's not the best way to start the year... hell, it's a crappy way to start the year but it has started and i really did not have any control on how it turned out. the thing is, what happened today probably woke me up from this dream state that i am in. yeah, in-your-face-wake-up-because-you're-in-dreamland thing. it sucks but they always said that the truth hurts. serves me right.

so what am i to do? move on, dammit! i'm too old to go through another kawawa-naman-ako stage. i've been indulging too much on self pity and although i said that i won't be having any new year's resolution, this should probably be on my list.

yeah, happy new year to me.