new year rantings

ok, so it's not the best way to start the year... hell, it's a crappy way to start the year but it has started and i really did not have any control on how it turned out. the thing is, what happened today probably woke me up from this dream state that i am in. yeah, in-your-face-wake-up-because-you're-in-dreamland thing. it sucks but they always said that the truth hurts. serves me right.

so what am i to do? move on, dammit! i'm too old to go through another kawawa-naman-ako stage. i've been indulging too much on self pity and although i said that i won't be having any new year's resolution, this should probably be on my list.

yeah, happy new year to me.

christmas celebrations and gift-giving

christmas for the past n years has been celebrated in the arco household for the marasigan clan. during christmas eve, we hear mass together, eat noche buena and have our exchange gift. the whole clan, together with the household and sometimes with friends, are included.

when i started working, i also started to buy gifts for everyone --- my immediate family, my titos, titas, cousins, and eventually for my brother-in-law and pamangkins. it's a tradition by itself. and every year, although i get stressed out thinking and trying to find my gifts, i more or less get something for everyone.

so here's my list this year:
- necklaces from india for my sisters
- silk scarves from india for my mom and my titas
- aftershave for my titos
- banana peel flip-flops for kuya reggie, kuya ronald, kuya jay and paolo (cousins)
- bangles from india for ate bea, ate venisse and via
- a journal from karton, still for bea
- a friendship bracelet activity kit, still for ate venisse and via
- optimus prime and megatron toys for franco
- cinderella baby for sofia
- perfume from bench for yaya cel (my "baby" in our kris kringle)
- and and ipod touch for kuya aljo (together with ate karla and ate faye)

the ipod touch is a christmas-new year-birthday gift altogether with kuya aljo. i was supposed to get a phone from smart for my retention plan when i saw that they also offered an ipod touch. we still had to shell out some money but it seemed to be a good deal. during the last couple of days leading to christmas, aljo was asking if i was getting the itouch. he said he wanted me to get it so he can borrow it from me (since i recently got my ipod). so that's how we thought of giving him the itouch for christmas.

we were supposed to buy a pair of rubber gloves and give that as our fake gift. but we were not able to get the itouch that day. second option was to give a gift certificate with the "congratulations! you won an ipod touch!". we were bent on doing that until i saw the free pencils from banana peel. i bundled the pencils and wrote on the outside, "dear aljo, merry christmas! you are entitled to..." i had one pencil in the middle reading "one ipod touch. love, ate inah, ate karla, ate faye and mom". i even asked aljo to bind the pencils together before i wrote on them.

come gift-giving time, i gave him the wrapped pencils. he laughingly said he knew what was inside. and then he proceeded to read the message. i told him to check what was in the middle pencil. when he did, he said "ito na ang pinakamahal na pencil sa buong mundo".



it was really a fun night. we even had champagne to cheer the great year we had and to welcome the new one ahead.

merry christmas everyone!

secrets

there are times when you have to decide whether or not to speak. because once you say something, you cannot get it back. it's already out there.

it took me a while to share something to two of my closest friends. why? i really don't know. maybe it's just too close to home. all of my other friends knew. but they would not be able to relate to what i say, no matter how hard they try. and in a way, it was easier for me to tell it to them for the same reason.

it's now out in the open. at least to them. and i think it's good i did not keep my mouth shut this time.

because you seem so distant

am i happy that things are changing now? parang hindi. although i know that in the long run, i will benefit from all of these. parang preparation for the things to come. it's still an ego thing, dammit. sabi ko nga sa sarili ko nung nagda-drive ako minsan pauwi, it's hard to believe things that my friends say when everything else proves otherwise.

i really have to train myself not to feel so much.

the big 3-0

guestlist:
- college barkada
- ex-officemates
- teammates
- other friends and officemates
- family, relatives

time and venue: december 8 / 8 pm /larga bar, bf homes paranaque

who came:
- audrey and aren, on time
- pogs, bert and rose, via macchu picchu
- aj, fresh from her bridesmaid duties
- mark, ria, melai and raffy, with the videoke and voices in tow
- marts, who was obviously tasked to buy the cake
- jayrald, neil and rogel
- sol, maj and sarah, wearing coordinated outfits
- aaron, bj and their significant others
- kaze (chevy, sherwin, kei, miwa, bri, helen) with faye
- prijm, with karla
- bam, with james
- family and relatives

pinaka-excited dumating sina aren and auds. naunahan pa nila ang celebrant. pero ok lang. sabagay, ang nakalagay nga naman sa invite ko is 8 pm. i just thought everyone was going to be fashionably late. :) nauna rin actually dapat sa akin sina pogs, rose at bert pero since medyo nawala sila, nauna pa rin ako.

anyway, natuwa naman ako at nakarating ang mga kaibigan ko although meron akong mga close friends na hindi nakarating (gels, hint! hint!). siguro kasi last minute na rin na-decide na ituloy. kasi, ayaw ko namang mag-party kung nasa ospital pa si kuya aljo. but since he was discharged from the hospital on my birthday, nag-decide na lang kami na ituloy. minsan lang naman ako magpapa-party. i don't even know when the next one will be.

faye's band, kaze, was in full force --- chevy, sherwin, kei, miwa, bri and helen. dapat nga, hindi makakapunta sina kei kasi meron silang ibang gagawin but for the love of me (talagang inangkin), nakapunta sila. and they did a full band (for the love of me pa rin). the first song that they did was "behind these hazel eyes" which i abso-f**king-lutely love. and since they were on full band, yung favorite part ko on the drums was there (love you, chevy!). of course they did their own songs. and they had this crazy idea to make me sing in front. time and time again, i've said that i never did good singing in front. lagi na lang may palpak. but this time, siguro since hindi lang naman ako ang nasa harap, at dahil nga may banda, hindi naman nila narinig mga kapalpakan ko. hahaha! :)

after the band played, videoke naman. of course, mark and ria were there to sing. basta siguro singers, di na kelangang pilitin. auds, aj, ryann and jayrald sang. sayng, umuwi na agad sina aaron. di na siya narinig ng iba. syemps, from the marasigan clan, kumanta si tita eva, faye (of course!) and jayjay.

masaya yung party. i'm really glad i celebrated and i had my loved ones celebrate with me.



happy birthday to me!

party time

click to view the invite. :)

thanks, ate faye!

the battle i fight within

self-pity is a battle i try to get through. although at times i try to act as if i am this confident woman-of-the-world who has come to terms with who she is, there are still instances when my insecurities come rising to the surface. even though i can probably hide it from the rest of the world, i can't fake it deep inside. and it wears me down.

i'll be ok. i know i'll be. this is just a bump in the road, something that has made me stumble but then i'll get on with my life. it's nobody's fault but mine anyway.

i don't want to be cynical. really. i want to look at life and still see the beauty in it. i want to look at the future and be excited and know that good things are in store for me. i need to believe that. and maybe that will get me through this.

darn.

addicted
written by: kelly clarkson/david hodges/ben moody

it’s like you’re a drug
it’s like you’re a demon i can’t face down
it's like i’m stuck
it’s like i’m running from you all the time
and i know i let you have all the power
it’s like the only company i seek
is misery all around

it’s like you’re a leech
sucking the life of me
it’s like i can’t breathe
without you inside of me
and i know i let you have all the power
and i realize i’m never gonna
quit you over time

it’s like i can’t breathe
it’s like i can’t see anything
nothing but you
i’m addicted to you
it’s like i can’t think
without you interrupting me
in my thoughts
in my dreams
you’ve taken over me
it’s like i’m not me
it’s like i’m not me

it’s like i’m lost
it’s like i’m giving up slowly
it’s like you’re a ghost
that’s haunting me
leave me alone
and i know these voices in my head are mine alone
and i know i’ll never change my ways
if i don’t give you up now

i’m hooked on you
i need a fix, i can’t take it
just one more hit
i promise i can deal with it
i’ll handle it, quit it
just one more time, then that’s it
just a little bit more to get me through this

a resolution

things are going to be different soon. i promise. i have told people repeatedly that events in your life will happen again and again until you have learned the life lesson it's supposed to bring. well, it seems i haven't learned my lesson. i am now resolved not to do it anymore. maybe then my life will change for the better.

elections

a couple of days ago, the barangay and sangguniang kabataan elections were held. we went to batangas to vote. as per usual, i asked my aunt who to vote for because i don't know the people who were running. one question still remains on my mind. are there still people running whose reason is simply to serve the people? in my heart of hearts, i am hoping that the answer to this question is yes. because if not, what is the point of voting? i don't want to vote simply to put "the lesser evil" in position. i'd like to think that there are still people out there who give part of themselves to help this country be better.

i just hope i am right.