looking at me through somebody's eyes

rose's account of an intuitive reading done to me by bong, last friday ...

"He sensed a slight heaviness somewhere near her heart, like hardened tears..."

[Hi. This is an unsolicited introduction to Kat Marcos' intuitive reading by the famed empath - Bong, held last May 21st 2004 at Runes along Tomas Morato Avenue. I was the official scribe and all I can say is every word as far as I have known Kat, has a resounding affirmation to the spiritual journey Kat is in. Those in italics were questions asked by Kat to Bong, very brave, straightforward, unapologizing questions. It also reinforced my unwavering admiration to the guy who never judges the questions, and answers them like they hold the secret to the universe. In between, I may write commentaries, they may be unwelcome, but so what chocnut, scribes have that priviledge! You may find that the narration below contains haunting, beautiful, fitting words. These are Bong's words. The answers are [almost] exactly what he said (I just added particles, pronouns and conjunctions. huuuwaatttt? ako pa wrong grammar galore, haha!). Kat's energy is read via runes and hands (not palmistry ha? This one is by holding the hands and sensing the energy). Some ramblings may be lost, my morning person body clock and my slow reflexes in transcribing were the obvious cause. Here goes na.

It began when Bong held Kat's hands with no questions from her yet, and started reading her energy. As from my past life reading, the first words may have the most impact, in this case, probably the major state of the soul.]

He sensed a slight heaviness somewhere near her heart, like hardened tears that needs to be exhaled. It is like: if you can imagine small droplets, not stones but like sugar when they got wet and then later dried. He hesitated, looking for words then he said that she can melt this by giving love to herself. He said this will manifest and will be made clear from Kat's questions later. He turned to Kat's perception (the energy around the eyes) and he saw drowsiness, kind of half awake, half asleep ("bangag sa antok") state. There's a kind of weariness that Bong could not explain, could not point why, or of what kind. The weariness is not physical, and there's weariness also in the hands.

[Sing to the indigo girls: "when you learn to love yourself, you will dissolve all the stones that are cast. you will learn to burn the icing sky, to melt the waxen mask."]

Will I be successful in my career? (via runes)
Of course, Kat will be successful in her job, there will be creating new worlds with her energy. There will be breakthroughs, if she can just stay focused and stay grounded. There's a big, big potential for a sense of fulfillment!

[But who doubted this? Si Kat lang because she asked, haha! To us, damn it, it's a given!]

Will I find Mr. Right? (via runes and hands)
He said that Kat is a thinking energy and to remember to not forget the lessons from the recent past. There's a male figure hovering in her area, the male is the first to see her the first to fall for her but there's a period of cluelessness abound her at first.. This would be unexpected and a big adjustment on Kat's side. For now, ayon ke Bong, relax muna.

[Yes, ang nagpauso ng tanong na to ay si Pogie: Will I find Mr. Right? For someone as loving as Kat, I think it's a potentially great romance. We'll wait and root from the sidelines.]

There will be possible problems in the future. Among family, there will be discussions, fights, something about resources, liquifying assets [kinda sleepy here na so I didn't hear much!]. There's much to iron out, certain areas in your family, some struggle and there will be a realization on what values really matter.

Why am I insecure? (via hands)
Bong sees an image of Kat, a chubby 4 years old, carrying a doll, and kat's tearing out the hair of the doll.

[I think Bong intended not to have an interpretation for this one. For reflection =)]

He said that Kat's self-image is far from what people see. He added, "Sana you have the capacity to see yourself sa mata ng iba. "

[Exclamation point: Sana you have the capacity to see yourself sa mata ng iba. =). True Kat, because it will be beauty that you'll see! ]

The thing is, said Bong, to change the thought matters, to better the self-image. "Easier said than done?" asked he. We smiled.

Kat said she thinks too much according to others and that she also said she's a thinker more than a 'feeler'. This was affirmed by Bong and he added that when you are a thinker you will not be affected by agitations but she still has to develop the heart, Kat has to feel and to assert what she feels.

[You are your most ethereal when you are your most vulnerable =). So go out and feel Kat! Break down the caution guards, feel! Kat actually is an emotional person, she's the first to cry about almost anything - my golly goose, she cried while our ex-boss who was not very fair to us was in a hot seat. While each one of us were stating our complaints in a supposedly formal kind of way, kat was sobbing while she was stating hers. Super cry! Yes that emotional. She even cries in movies. Endearing no? But as she said on our way home, every time she feels, she checks herself whether it’s okay to feel that way. She checks if there's any consequence - she does not allow her emotions to rule her. But I maintain, break down the caution guards! Haha! Wala lang. Just allow yourself to be tired, to be happy, to enjoy what you've labored, to acknowledge the hurt when you're hurt, because aren't these allowances and acknowledgements about respect for one self? :) Some people can articulate it better [insert link] :). You deserve good things Kat, happiness, perfection, the works (!) and you deserve it each moment and each day. I know, I know, loving oneself is the hardest thing to do, but it's the greatest love of all. Whitney Houston, sing it with us!]

Will I be happy? (via hands)
It is to go into self. To keep still. If you do this...[he shakes his head, smiling], once you've done this....everything will....[bong smiled and remained silent].

Will I find my soulmate? (drumroll, via hands and runes)
"You've seen him. You're going now from a period of growth. Even if you don't meet in this lifetime, you have found ways to meet in different planes, be it in your dreams or in higher level of consciousness. You both are trying to work out what needs to be, because when you meet in BODY (physical world), you're in your best selves to help and love each other.

Have I ever been in love?
Bong: Pick a card. [Kat picks a card. Bong looks closely and looks at Kat]. Your soul's waiting.

[Kat remarked later in the cab, that funny the fact that she asked if she had ever been in love may have already answered her question. The fact that she asked :)]

[It ends here, but of course the reflection shouldn't. It's a beautiful reading.]

success!

finally, a gmail account (yes, the link was still active this morning)! no need to worry about the inbox space, it's more than i could use up! and i wouldn't need to think what emails to delete (i am the sentimental kind), i can keep them all!

my new email add: maganda@gmail.com

ganda 'no?

gmail

i have been trying my darnest to go to the site and register for my gmail account (rose will kill me if i don't). but for some reason, the lasalle account wouldn't let me. damn!

hopefully, the link from blogger would still be there tomorrow.

best wishes

"tita lily?"

that was what greeted mom and me this morning as we were having breakfast. it was john, our neighbor who was about the same age as i. he was looking for mom for a few days now but couldn't quite get a hold of her for one reason or another. it turns out that he wanted to give mom an invitation for his wedding tomorrow.

time really flies fast. it was like yesterday when we moved to bf homes and met them for the first time. anna (john's sister) and i became fast friends, their older brothers became my kuyas and vincent, the youngest of their brood of six, was like a kid brother to me. it seems like i just woke up to find sixteen years suddenly passed.

john and i never did become good friends but sixteen years of living across each other would count for something. i am genuinely happy for him and his wife-to-be and wish them both a long, happy and love-filled life together.

is my reality true?

what is reality? isn't it that a story may have different versions depending on who is telling it? and isn't it that each side of a story is a reality on its own? wouldn't that mean then that what i perceive to be real may not be a reality to someone else? i am now wondering if our minds are conjuring up our realities not based on what is true but what we want the truth to be.

i have asked this once to a friend and he just gave me a confused look and told me that i am thinking way too much.

maybe i am.

an answer

one of my favorite books is illusions: the adventures of a reluctant messiah by richard bach.

an excerpt:

Once there lived a village of creatures along the bottom of a great crystal river.

The current of the river swept silently over them all - young and old, rich and poor, good and evil, the current going its own way, knowing only its own crystal self.

Each creature in its own manner clung tightly to the twigs and rocks at the river bottom, for clinging was their way of life, and resisting the current what each had learned from birth.

But one creature said at last, 'I am tired of clinging. Though I cannot see it with my eyes, I trust that the current knows where it is going. I shall let go, and let it take me where it will. Clinging, I shall die of boredom.'

The other creatures laughed and said, 'Fool! Let go, and that current you worship will throw you tumbled and smashed across the rocks, and you shall die quicker than boredom!'

But the one heeded them not, and taking a breath did let go, and at once was tumbled and smashed by the current across the rocks.

Yet in time, as the creature refused to cling again, the current lifted him free from the bottom, and he was bruised and hurt no more.

And the creatures downstream, to whom he was a stranger, cried, 'See a miracle! A creature like ourselves, yet he flies! See the Messiah, come to save us all!'

And the one carried in the current said, 'I am no more Messiah than you. The river delights to lift us free, if only we dare let go. Our true work is this voyage, this adventure.'

But they cried the more, 'Saviour!' all the while clinging to the rocks, and when they looked again he was gone, and they were left alone making legends of a Saviour.

my fascination for richard bach's writings actually began when i read jonathan livingston seagull, a book that is simply written but profound at the same time. anyway, back to illusions --- i remember a part saying that any book could show you an answer to your question and guide you. i found out it was true... not through a book but through a song.

i was lying in my bed, listening to my old recorded md's and i chose something from whitney houston (not sure what album that is). and this song struck me and made me realize that this is the answer to all my uncertainties the past few days:

if you need a little change of heart
forget this fear and frustration
'cause love will always play the greater part
when your battles wear you down,
here's my advice...

when you're feeling down and out
and you got troubles on your mind
love will save the day
when your feeling full of doubts
and fear has got you in a bind
love will save the day
when your world's falling apart
all you have to do is say a pray'r
love will save the day
there's an answer in your heart
so let the light shine on my dear
love will save the day

what keeps me happy in spite of the not-so-good things

it was a long and tiring day for me. my shortcomings in my current role was pinpointed once more today and i can't help but feel frustrated. unfortunate for a friend though, who was at the receiving end of my rantings. not that i did anything violent. i just wrote a long letter to him pouring out all my negative emotions. a bit insensitive of me as he was in the middle of some big project and he was juggling all the things he needed to do. but the good friend that he is, he accomodated me and was even willing to call me at the office.

going to the gym to release some of the frustration was a good decision (plus the fact that my workout was long overdue). it made me feel better and took my mind off the heavy stuff for a while.

back home, faye greeted me excitedly with franco's pictures. my nephew is a bright, talkative and lovable baby (not to mention cute!). he's been staying at the house for the past few weeks until ate tetet and kuya weng pick him up at night. we're smitten by this little bundle of joy. he is actually the reason, more times that i could mention, that i arrive at the office later than usual. that is because, i stay at home to talk to him and hold him until i absolutely have to go. i just loooove seeing him smile and hearing him laugh and utter syllables i don't even understand.

tell me, who could resist a smile like this? :)



kakagigil!

reality bites

there was somebody who i always pictured together with me when i daydream. there, we would be holding hands or he would have his arms around me. or sometimes, i would just be resting my head on his shoulders and he would have his arms around mine. whatever picture my mind conjures up, it always exudes happiness, contentment and security. he was clearly my "what might have been" guy. the man you can envision yourself with but it just never happened.

yesterday though, all the daydreams came to an end. because yesterday, i have come to learn that i was not his "what might have been" girl. i never was. in fact, i didn't even come close. a bitter pill to swallow but the truth is like that sometimes. it was probably for the best. now, i wouldn't wonder what might have been.

it never would've happened.

saigon adventures

last monday, i went to vietnam for the first time. unfortunately, i had very little time as we did not have a weekend to go sightseeing. we went back to manila last friday.

my first impression of ho chi minh city was that it was so like manila. i actually thought it was a bigger version of quiapo. there was even a jollibee branch at a mall near the airport! when you go out to the streets however, you won't find cars as you would in the philippines... you would find bicycles, scooters and motorcycles. and a lot of them, too! they were like an army of ants! :) another thing that caught my eye is the way they dress. it's not unusual for you to see a vietnamese woman wearing an ao-dai on a normal day. i also had a window-shopping feast with the assortment of bags, purses, shoes and dresses, all in vietnamese silk. some were hand embroidered, some beaming with beads. if you happen to have pocket money for shopping, it's heaven to go to vietnam. there was even a double-sided silk jacket that i wanted to buy. it was too expensive for me though, so i opted not to.

i would have loved to go around ho chi minh to see their temples and pagodas or ride a boat through the mekong river. maybe next time.

sight-seeing was not the reason why i went to vietnam, however. i had to go there as part of my new job. i thought i was going there just to listen to kleng and see how it is to talk to our client's suppliers. i ended up doing more than that --- i got to give one of the presentations myself. it was a humbling moment for me and i realized that i still have a lot of things to learn to be qualified for my new role. i need to be more assertive, more pro-active as most of the things i need could not be taught. they come with experience, something i hope to have in the near future.

choosing our leaders

yesterday was an important day for the filipino nation as we again chose our leaders. it's a critical time for us if we want to start rebuilding the nation. we have encountered a lot of difficulties --- from the martial law era, to the instability of the government because of multiple coup attempts up to hands of a plundering president. not to mention the graft and corruption that is plaguing us over and over again. needless to say, the philippines is in a sorry state.

before election day, i still had a hard time deciding who to vote. i do know which candidate i would not vote for, though. i was choosing whether to vote for a candidate that i truly believe will bring forth change in the government but has a very slim chance of winning or to choose the "lesser evil" just to make sure that the unqualified candidate will not win.

i chose to vote for who i think is the right candidate for the position. at least by that, even if he does not win, i will have no regrets and will be able to say that i have not sacrificed my principles. the decision on who to place in the top post is not just up to me. the whole nation has to decide. whatever outcome of the election is, it is what the filipino nation deserves.

we are the ones who made the decision anyway.

new look

blogger just got updated (or at least, i finally had enough time to put something here). this is basically the reason why my blog has a new look. i have been pestering faye for some time now to change my layout. my prayers have been answered by blogger. hehehe! unfortunately, though, previous comments would not be appearing in the blog anymore. well, nothing we can do about that. feel free to comment on the next posts.