silver lining

jo is again giddy with happiness. congratulations, tsong! may that smile on your face remain for a long, long time! :)

minsan...

minsan, hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit ganito ang nararamdaman ko. minsan, iniisip ko kung kasalanan ko nga ba na ganito ang nangyayari sa akin ngayon. dapat ko nga bang sisihin ang sarili ko? o tanggapin na lang na ganito talaga ako at hindi ako pareho ng ibang tao?

minsan, feeling ko ang plastic ko na. kasi kahit na naiinis ako o nalulungkot, hindi ko ipinapaalam sa iba. kapag tinatanong ako kung anong problema, sasabihin ko lang na wala ito. pero sa totoo, meron. mabigat. pero ako na lang ang bahalang magdala. nawawala din naman eh. at kapag sinabi ko pa sa iba, lalo na sa mga taong apektado, baka ma-iba pa kung anong meron kami. wag na lang. hayaan na lang natin.

minsan, naiisip ko, mas ok na rin ito. at least ako lang ang nasasaktan at hindi ako nakakasakit ng iba. mahirap din namang ipagpilitan mo ang sarili mo sa mga bagay na hindi naman pala dapat.

minsan iniisip ko na sana, hindi ako madaling masaktan. minsan lang, sana hindi ko na iniintindi ang mga bagay na ganito.

a song made me a carrie fan

i, unfortunately, am not an AI fan like most of my friends. that is because we do not get channel 5 in our tv set and we don't have cable (shocking, isn't it?). however, due to peer pressure (simply meaning that i can't relate to my friends talking about it), i did try to get my updates from the web. but since i haven't followed the series from day 1, i did not really have a favorite. when it came to the last three --- bo, carrie and vonzell --- i was confident that the winner would be a talented singer but i was not rooting for anyone. well, among the three, i would have picked vonzell but i guess america does not agree with me.

anyway, between carrie and bo, i think bo has more stage presence and spunk. well, he has to, considering his genre. i think that his voice has a quality to it that fits rock. i also do think that carrie has a great voice. coupled with the package that she's an all-american girl, i did think that she would get the title. and she did.

i was not supposed to delve more into it until my sister nonchalantly told me that carrie sang "angels brought me here" as one of her three songs in the finals. being the big guy sebastian fan that i am, i hurriedly went to the american idol webpage to look for the video clip. imagine my disappointment when it was not there!!! aaargh!!! i looked for other sites that have it. good thing i found one so my stess level immediately went down.

i must say that her rendition is really good although she belted out the song even in lines where i think should have been mellow. all in all, i think it was great. bottomline is, now i am happy that she's the winner... and i really think she chooses her songs well! hehehe! :)

music trip

i once promised myself that i would buy one music cd each month as each payday comes. yes, that is my gift to myself for a month-long work. and yes, just one because i can't really splurge much since i still have loads of things to pay for.

anyway, i went to music one (my favorite music store as of the moment because i'm getting 10% off when using my credit card) to look for one of the cd's in my list. guy sebastian's cd is not yet released here and janno gibbs' seven is not available. so i chose among usher, destiny's child and jojo --- and jojo it is. walking around, i also saw stacie orrico's cd and since it was on sale (plus there were only two copies left), i decided to buy it as well.

as i was listening to the cd's though, i actually liked stacy orrico's better that i did jojo's. the songs in her cd were more diverse and the lyrics had more meaning. to think that i only bought her cd because i liked "stuck" :) jojo is a talented singer. no doubt about that. and at a very young age, she's bound to have a long career ahead. however, i think she took her genre very seriously (or she was "packaged" to be that) and so her songs sounded very much alike. hopefully, she can make a mark in the music industry now and be able to take more "risks" in her next album. maybe then, we'll see more variety in her songs.

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(there must be) more to life

"...i've got it all, but i feel so deprived. i go up, i come down and i'm emptier inside. tell me what is this thing that i feel like i'm missing and why can't i let it go? there's gotta be more to life than chasing down every temporary high to satisfy me..."

hesitation

"...why do you spend all your time watching life pass you by, hanging on to your pride, all that you can anticipate, hoping all your mistakes will somehow fade away..."

strong enough

"...He took my life into His hands and it turned it all around. in my most desperate circumstance, it's there i've finally found that You are strong enough, that You are pure enough to break me, pour me out and start again, that You are brave enough to take one chance on me. oh thank you for my chance to start again..."

sayawan na

sa ilang beses kong pagkanta sa harap ng maraming tao, lagi akong pumapalpak. kahit pala sa pagsasayaw.

last friday, dahil sa isang activity sa office, napilitan akong sumayaw. well, kung tutuusin, hindi naman din gaanong nagpumilit si audrey. pumayag na rin ako. ang totoo kasi niyan, enjoy ako sa pagsasayaw. yun nga lang, kulang ako sa talent dun. sa tingin ko naman e hindi ako mukhang tanga kapag nagsasayaw. well, minsan lang pala. pero most of the time, hindi naman. pero hindi ko rin masasabing magaling akong sumayaw. hindi tulad nina pogs, irish at christa. at dun sa pagsasayaw namin, nalaman kong marami pala akong officemates na magagaling sumayaw. si sol, si joey, si lancer, si tati, si jesse, si choy... ang dami nila!

sa totoo lang, nahirapan din akong mag-memorize nung kakapiranggot na sayaw namin. sa lagay na yun, pinadali na nga ni christa yung mga steps namin. nakakatawa nga ako kasi bago nung presentation namin, pina-practice ko siya talaga. kunwari, kapag nag-aantay ako sa pila ng fx pauwi, ginagawa ko yung steps sa utak ko. syempre, may konting galaw ng paa at balikat. tapos, lagi ko na lang naiisip yung mga kantang ginagamit namin. sabi ko nga sa sarili ko, wag lang akong magkalat ok na ako.

actually, hindi ko alam kung nagkalat ako o hindi. basta marami akong nakalimutang steps. pero feeling ko naman, marami sa amin din ang nakalimot. sabihin na rin nating malaking kahihiyan yung ginawa ko (hindi ko na lang isasama ang mga officemates kong sumayaw kasi baka naman maayos ang pagsayaw nila --- hindi ko na sila pinapansin habang sumasayaw sa harap). pero ok na rin. yun nga lang, baka dalawang taon na ulit bago mo ako mapasayaw ulit ng ganun.

summer surprise

the post below should have been here days ago but due to sickness (a.k.a. laziness), it took me a while to get something written...

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i was walking back to the office via the makati walkway, sweating profusely because of the summer heat. as i was wiping away the sweat off my face when i heard someone call my name. putting my glasses on, it took me just a moment to recognize where the voice came from.

kuya aids!

the last time i saw him was during our aots graduation and it has been a while (almost five years now). we immediately started talking and updating each other on what's going on in our lives and with our friends' lives (syempre pa, e mga tsismoso kami). as usual, time was just too short (as we needed to go back to our respective offices). we did promise to keep in touch, however. so hopefully, it will not take us another five years to see each other again.

i need a dream interpreter

i had a weird dream last night. i dreamt of this guy (let's call him X) whom i already know. fragments of the dream are already hazy and i don't remember the details but i distinctly recall us planning to get married. we were just going to have a civil wedding and he asked me if i was okay with it. i told him that i was a bit disappointed since that was not what i imagined my wedding to be but it's ok. (for some reason, we needed to get married right away --- but i am sure i was not pregnant in my dream --- hehehe!). then, i think there was a time that X thought that i didn't want to go through with the wedding that i had to tell him i was and that everything was ok between us. but for some reason, i think he was not convinced or thought that we should not get married and the wedding was called off. i, together with my mom, went to their house to talk to his family but they were really angry at me about the wedding being called off.

then i woke up.

the story might not be weird and may even be possible in the real world. but what is puzzling me about it is that i'm not the least attracted to the guy! i know X and he knows me and there have been instances when we talked and joked around. but no sparks, no fireworks, pffft... nothing. so how come my mind is conjuring up these things while i am asleep?

goodbye, prof

last sunday, i received a shocking news from myn via sms:

Dr Araneta just passed away due to an accident. His body will lie at d UP chapel. Pls pray 4 his soul.

doc araneta was one beloved teacher in up eee. he might have had a reputation of being a "terror" but outside of the class, he was very easy to talk to. he had a ready smile for everyone.

i remember very clearly our family was invited to go out of town. my parents were persuading me to go but i adamantly refused saying that i had to attend doc araneta's class. you see, doc araneta always checks the attendance. and i still believe, up to this day, this is the only thing that saved me from a failing mark.

no matter how hard i studied or how prepared i think i am i always get lost when i am faced with doc araneta's exam. my scores range from 30 to 40 out of a 100. always. but you don't really know how much you need to pass doc araneta's class. and so, with a prayer and your complete attendance as weapons, you may actually pass. just like i did.

it's a sad sad day for the up engineering community to lose someone like doc araneta. moreso, for his family. i hope it's consolation for them that he is dearly loved and will be sorely missed.

ilocos

dubbed as the "boracay of the north", pagudpud is a stretch of white sand beach in the ilocos region. though the sands of pagudpud is not as powdery fine as boracay, you would appreciate its facade as it is not as commercialized as its visayan counterpart.

before we reached the beautiful shores of pagudpud, we travelled for seven hours from manila to vigan. after a hearty breakfast of longganisa (jollibee's and not vigan longganisa as we hoped), we started walking through the stone path that characterizes the old city in the north. the excitement when we got off from the bus could not sustain us for long and soon enough our feet were aching. everybody took the opportunity to ride the kalesa to go sight-seeing. we first went to the bell tower in the next town --- we saw the whole of vigan atop the tower. then off we went to the house of father jose burgos which was converted to a museum. we didn't have enough time after that so we just passed by some other places in vigan aboard the kalesa. after that, it was time to say goodbye to vigan and hello to laoag.

the cua residence in laoag was a welcome sight for all of us, much more so the food that was readily prepared at the table. after filling our stomachs with ilocos' special vigan longganisa, everyone's enthusiasm was restored. our first stop was paoay church, the oldest church in the country. we were a bit disappointed to see that we just missed the time when it is open so we just contented ourselves in taking pictures outside. after that, we went to malacanang of the north, the place where the late president marcos and his family stays when they were in ilocos. the place was still beautiful eventhough some areas were not fully maintained anymore. and the view from the balcony of paoay lake was simply breathtaking! and since the real reason why we went all the way from manila to the north was to go to the beach, we proceeded to currimao. we first went to the coral beach, where everyone dipped their feet into the cool water except me! (more on that later.*) we decided to go to currimao beach to get the rest of their bodies (and my feet) immersed in the water. it was a great way to end the day with the sunset as our background.

at this point, everyone was tired and ready to call it a day. the guys were actually excited to go out since they wanted to go to the casino but their spirits were dampened when we said they could go on their own. but einstein's mom persuaded us to go to fort ilocandia and so off we went again, with tintin craving for ice cream and rose, for cake. fort ilocandia was a big resort with everything that one might need to entertain themselves. there's a gym, a pool, a casino, a karaoke bar, a sports bar, a cafe and the beach, of course. well, i would imagine it does not come cheap either.

the next day, we heard mass early at a nearby church. returning home, we found the rest of the folks awake and after another hearty meal, off we went to pagudpud. in the middle of the long ride, we decided to go beyond pagudpud and head for patapat bridge first. i couldn't remember why this was a famous bridge but the view of the sea was fantastic so we did not let the opportunity to pose in front of the camera slip by. a long ride back, we finally arrived in pagudpud at around noon. eventhough the sun was shining full blast, we went on a banca and headed to a more secluded part of the beach. the one great thing about pagudpud is the crystal clear water. i finally got my chance to swim in the cool waters of ilocos. alas, time flew by and we had to go back home. on the way, we stopped by the lighthouse and took more pictures of the breathtaking sea. soon, we were packing our bags and our loads of pasalubong and heading back to manila.

it was a tiring trip, with around 19 hours of travel from manila to pagudpud and back but the trip was well worth it. ilocos is definitely a place to visit!

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*i was going through my things while packing for currimao when i realized that i left my bathing suit back home! *pok* i was kicking myself for leaving the one important thing that i need for the beach. good thing i packed a sleeveless shirt and a pair of shorts "just in case". when we were ready to go, i reached inside my bag to check if my slippers were there. and when i felt the plastic bag at the bottom of my bag, i thought i was good to go. stupid me. the plastic bag contained my after sun gel (something we "inherited" from art) and no rubber slippers. and since currimao coral beach would strip my feet raw if i attempted to walk barefoot, i was not able to enjoy the coral beach. (still kicking myself for the stupidity).